Friday, December 28, 2012

Late night Musing, thoughts and hearts Fusing

Evening  Party People!
             Once again I'm writing from the skull that resides in the Dave Cave circa 2000 and now. Hey does anyone have something profound to say? Some thought or idea that's going to forever launch us into the essence of History? Perhaps make a wave so great that even another Ice Age wouldn't dare touch your immortality! It would be much like who ever made the Pyramids only with a much better slide show So anyone? Nope? Me neither.
              It's depressing isn't it? To not have the great idea? To not be "The One". It's something that all of us in our thirties have to some to realize. How did you deal with it? Did you have a family? A career that you wanted? A loving soul that loves you more than you could have ever imagined? I hope all of you have at least one of these, if anything all of us deserves a little happiness. If you had asked me a few years ago I would have said I had none of these things. That's why that desire to do something great always plagued me. I used to feel that it's the weak people in this world who have it easy, in the respect that they are truly powerless to change their lives. People who have a bit of resolve have no excuse, if our lives suck ass deep down we know it only does so because we let it.
              Like I said if you had asked me a few years a days I have most of those three things I had just mentioned. The thing is the closer that I get to what I want the truth becomes clearer and clearer," I need to step up and be the person who I wished I had known."
              Holy shit does that sound egotistical! Man I didn't think I could come across that douche-like in a blog but there you go. I wonder what I mean by that? I have an idea but it's a little foggy right now. Ok How about I start by describing the person who I'd always wanted to know.
              I always wanted to know someone who's encouragement I trusted. You see this is how I dismiss all the warm wishes that had been thrown my way over the years. It basically comes down to anyone who wasn't already in show business that wished me well I completely took for granted. Horrible to write I know, even worse to realize, trust me on that. You see I'd always wanted that buddy who was already a hit who knew what it took to make it tell me that I had what it took. You see that way I could take those in my life who love me for granted while at the same time completely undermining the need to believe in myself! Tada!
              I'm not writing this for sympathy, the point of this blog tonight was more of a proclamation. I'm going to be the friend that I always wanted to have. Nothing against my friends past or current. This has to do with pushing myself in a specific direction on a path to self improvement. I feel like I have a vault full of everything I've always wanted in life, meaning a vault of wants. Well it's time I turn those around and give those things I desired away to other artists out there in the net or ether.
              It might take some doing but I think I'm going to keep working on The Haven idea. I've seen t work before , I just need to figure how to give it life here o the net.
              Time for another baby step!
Till Next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

I got two things to say: Jack and Shit

OK so this morning I don't have so much to talk about Party People.
              So why the hell am I writing this? It's simple really, these blogs have become part of my morning wake up routine, or workout if you will. After I finish writing this I'll eat some breakfast then go for a walk. I used to take long walks everyday for a short period of time but then the summer hit. I know that's a cop out but holy moley does it suck trying to take an introspective stroll at 8 am when it's already 100+ degrees outside.
               Well it's a bit cooler out this time of the year so gone are any excuses to not get out there and walk off some of this tubby ass that I've been building up.
               I feel like shit because I keep missing ....I keep choosing not to go to any open mics for the past few weeks. It sucks, I hate myself more and more every week because I know that as crappy as they are there is no way I'm going to get better if I don't go. So what's the fucking hold up? I know I can be funny , I know I'll get a few laughs every time I go up, I know I get better every time I work out a joke, so what's the hold up?
               Well seeing as the whiskey that I put in my morning coffee is starting to kick in so shall my honesty. I've been trying to shed all the things about my past that I never liked. Now I know I can't shake the past itself, all I can do is work on the habits that have seem to come out of it. I rarely smoke anymore, that's a big thing, I eat healthier these days, that's another big thing. Yet some how my cowardice from the 90's still haunts me. My fear of not being any good.
               "But Dave, an actor who is afraid of failure? Please go on."
               I know it's true, they do exist  and yes its a self serving egotistical fear that's annoying if anything else. I won't go any further into any details for this because when it comes down to it, none of it matters. There's nothing to it but to do it.
               So how the fuck do we do this?
               I do have an idea! The Artist's Haven! What the Artist Haven is or was, was a group of artists who would get together to work on various projects in the same workspace. What this did was give a sense of camaraderie to a bunch of people who usually work in solitude. I found that it freed up a lot of creative energy and we always got a lot of good things out of each meeting.
               I totally could use another Haven but it might not be feasible for a bit, so what do we do until then? Well I was thinking of a Google Hangout. It's a video conference tool where we could all chat and even video chat. I'm curious to see if any of you out there in www world would be down for a hangout where we kind of only talk for a few minutes before we start our own projects the 50 minutes later we chat for a few more before getting back to work. Hit me up here if you're interested!

Till Next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Memes Don't Piss Off People, People Do!

Morning Party People,
             I'd like to talk to you about a touchy subject today, I want to talk about memes. For those who might not know what those are it's a picture with a funny tagline attached to it. An Example would be a kitten doing something adorable with the caption reading something to the effect of Ron Paul 2012.
             Over the past few days I've seen an emergence of angry memes flooding the net concerning everything to....well no, they've all been about guns. Pro/Con it doesn't matter, all of FB has been taken over about the gun debate. Now I know debates tend to get ugly seeing as most people forget that there's a middle ground to most arguments.
             I think what is upsetting me about all of this is that we just finished an election cycle and for a few weeks we had a peaceful meme climate on the net. It was nothing but cats and more cats doing funny shit. Now we have gone from sympathy memes to anger memes, to Jesus Memes and now to the fuck you for not loving Jesus and Guns Memes.
             "So what? You saying I can't use my right to free speech commie?"
            Nope, I'm saying this :You're not using your free speech, you're using your "like"-"Share" buttons. The guy who made the meme is using his free speech, you're just riding on someones intellectual coattails. You want to be a real American? You want to use your freedom? Might I suggest writing a blog like this one (only better).
            "Hey what if no one reads it?"
            I can't promise people will, but I can tell you there's a strong sense of accomplishment that goes with finishing every blog post. Kind of like that feeling you used to get when finishing your homework back in high school.
            "Can I put pics of kittens on it?"
            Yes if you must.
            "Can it be of a kitten and a gun?"
            Yes, because that pic is adorable!
           It's just an idea guys but I think we move into dangerous territory as a nation when we try to make our philosophy into a slogan. Your way of thinking is much deeper than that, so are your thoughts and ideas, so why should are disagreements be any different? I say write them out and post them and see what happens. Your argument might not hold water but if you gain some enlightenment through the process I'd call that a win, wouldn't you?

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Be Honest, it kinda feels like New Year's Day huh?

Morning Party People!
           It was the end of the world last night and I felt fine! Ha! Just in case you didn't read that line enough on FB yesterday, there it is. Last night there were a bunch of end of the world parties and I can say I missed everyone of them! Why? Well Jennie and I had a prior commimtment to a birthday dinner and afterwards we were kind of lame and tired so we went home, complained about young kids on Mill Ave then went to bed.
           Exciting huh? Not really but enjoyable none the less. One great thing that came out of yesterday is a list of things to do when I wake up in the morning. It's come to my attentions that I don't pay enough attention to how I'm using my time. To remedy this I made a list with the aid of my beloved Jennie. So far as of today I'm on track with it al. I've washed my face, brushed my teeth, made my coffee, done my stretching, and now I'm writing my blog. The writing part I'm excited about as it's like working out for my skull. I find my writing has a lot in common with the laws of physics as an object (or imagination) that is in motion tends to stay in motion.
          The other day I took my laptop to the yard and managed to finish two rough drafts for some sketches as well as a new scene for a radio drama that I have been putting off forever now. As happy as I am about that I also feel a little guilty as perhaps I could have found that time to work on stuff ha I looked a bit harder. Not much I can do about it now other that to keep using the time I've found, right?

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Writer's block or Creativly Constipated?

Morning Party People,
               It's 3 am and I'm wide awake. A fine time to et some writing done right? It should be yet here I am having been staring at a monitor for about an hour now. I hate this feeling, it's when I let a story go for too long and I don't know how to pick it up again. It's kind of like playing an RPG for months, then leaving it along for  awhile and when you get back to it you feel the need to start over because you don't remember where you were in the story.
               I think I need to start from the beginning, to look at one of my stories and find what I loved about it so long ago, perhaps I can find that vibe again. If you've never written a story before I highly recommend it. There's a special feeling of creating a world for you creation. A world where they fit in as much as you want them to, a world where they can overcome whatever obstacles you lay before them, even better is that when a tragedy befalls them it'll have meaning...because you've made it so it would. You know it just hit me, I need more practice at this.
              I've been playing the guitar for awhile now and I can say that it makes more sense to me now than it ever has, just picking up a guitar I know what kind of music I can get out of it and what I can create. Well I've spent more time with my guitar than I have with my keyboard and at this moment in time it totally shows. That's ok. It took me awhile to get where I am in music, I know I can go farther in that as well as writing.
             In closing this blog post is for my frustration of not being as awesome as I want to be. It's ok man, you're working on it and progress is key right now. If anything progress far outweighs potential. Always remember that, hey haven't you written more in the past few weeks than you have in the past year? Why yes you have Mr. I onlylookatwhatIhaven'tdone! Ok back to the drawing board!

Till next time Party People
Keep on a chooglin!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Bang Bang Shoot Shoot, now don't we all feel better?

Afternoon Party People!
             There has been a lot of talk on the internets about the failure of humanities in Connecticut as well as Oregon. I'd like to start out by telling you in advance that this blog isn't about anti-gun rights or NRA but rather a pro-America blog.
             What do I mean by that? Well I've always thought an ideal way of moving our society forward is to promote responsibility (Gun,drug,sex education) as opposed to taking away our choices (Laws forbidding Guns,sex,and drugs). Does that mean there should be no laws on these things? HELL NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!!!
             Well if you don't feel one way then you must feel another right? Right! Especially if you're an addict as that type of thinking coincides with the thinking of most if not all drug addicts and alcoholics. I know this as I have been in recovery (if not recovered) for quite sometime now. Black and White thinking is what they call it. Why do most addicts think this way? I think because we search for the easiest answer that doesn't involve any introspection whatsoever. That way our "Ego" can go on calling the shots while we live on thinking we're in control of anything.
             Let's try and confront this issue without renewing the cycle shall we? I'm going to through out some thoughts but I assert you that I don't have any easy answers on how to deal with all of this (I leave that up to us my friends).
        First thought:
            - as much as I would love for this to be so, I don't think taking away guns is going to prevent shit like this from happening. I know you would never want to murder a bunch of kids or innocent people in a mall but IF you did and you were going to do it no matter what, would not having a gun stop you? More than likely not, next time I bet it'll be a pipe bomb or some type of toxic gas. Yes guns make a massacre like this possible, had they'd not been there I think it might have been a different type of massacre....or maybe it wouldn't , I don't know.
            - as much as I think it would be great if it did, I don't think teaching about Christianity in schools would stop a bullet. I don't think the answer is in bringing back Divinity studies in public education. Keep in mind that bad people go to church as well. I do however think you have a good idea. My knee jerk reaction to seeing the FB posts on how God isn't in schools is part of the problem was to see is as ,"If you'd believe like I do then this world wouldn't be so fucked up". Now is that what people meant? Probably not but that's how I reacted to it. Then I thought, hey maybe they meant that if people were close to each other and cared about their neighbors like the way "we" do in our church then maybe the world would be so gosh darn gee willikers fucked up. I don't think they're wrong about that.

             Maybe if we cared a little bit more about our communities , our neighbors, our own street for that matter we might make a world that's far less hospitable for monsters. I can't control the world and save those poor victims, I wish I could, just like you all must feel. I have to accept that there are limited actions I can take that could fix any of this. Granted we have our elected representatives and such but what about the world that greets us when we open our front door?
             I think those cowards were trying to take two things from us. On one end they took the life from those we miss dearly, on the other they wish to take away the beauty we see in this world. They wish to take our liberty, our freedom, our joy of seeing our kids play on the street without worry of something bad happening to them. They want us to be isolated, alone, and worst of all for any American to be, they want us to be scared and scarred clinging to our hate filled righteousness. Well I say no! I refuse to accept the world is as hopeless as they saw it!
             I say I'm going to take another step outside and get to know my neighbors, I'm going to be connected to this world instead of isolated (another addict habit). I'd be open to any suggestions Party People.

Till next time,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, December 17, 2012

I can't wait for the next year to start! or Apoclypse Schmocolypse

Morning Party People!

              It's 5 am and here I am with a loaded cup of cheap ass coffee ready to pull the trigger right into my dome. Click click and gulp as the coffee goes down into my tummy , I feel my veins shake with the chemical reaction. My heart makes an atempt to raise it's rate, much like how a 57 chevy impala tries to start on a cold morning, once, twice, and here we go!
              I can't wait till next year starts, It's not so much as needing a new start, just a completion to this year. Most of you know I hit the reset button on my life a year ago, going from a secure salary to living off my creativity. I thought all I would need was a part time job to keep things going, I thought it might be a little tough but possible. I'm glad I took that leap of faith because had I known how depressing this year was going to be financially I might have chickened out.
              So was it a mistake? Did I make any money at all? Did I fail?
             Depends on what kind of person I want to be. Am I a glass half full or empty kind of guy? Did I make enough to live off of? Nope. Did I make any money at all? Yes I did! I made a few grand this year with DisJointed and I plan on doubling that for next year.
             I forget how life works sometimes. It took me awhile to make the money I did in the restaurant biz, why I thought I would be making the same income right off the bat with my company is beyond me! Funny how ego can set us up to fail, to give up, to go crawling back. Am I upset that I only made a little over 2k this year?
            Hell no I'm not! The fact that I took nothing , literally nothing but a moment in time and space, recorded it then edited it with my cousin then sold it is nothing short of a miracle! Next year I plan on feeling more of the same way once that project was finished!
            What's also onthe docket for next year?
            - getting paid for stand up
            - Producing a vaudeville show and being able to pay the performers
            - four quinceanerras
            - Booking a professional gig
            - finishing the recording for the remaining episodes for Frankie's Story
            - Writing a screenplay for the above mentioned story =P
            - more "Sneaker Guy!"

           As you can see I have a lot to do next year, as I'm sure we all do. It's all progress Party People, baby step by baby step we're getting closer to a life that we always dreamed about and I can't wait till we all get there.

           Till next time Party People,
           Keep on a chooglin!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

"In a row?" or "I'm Firty seven, I'm not old"

Morning Party People!
              So today is the day, yes Dec 9th is here and I'm another year older. Thirty seven indeed sir!
              Last night Jennie and I went out and had dinner at a place called Switch in Central Pho-town, a place where most of the staff had done just that! It was posh, classy, much to classy for a guy like me these days but the let us in regardless, so props to them! Holy shit does anyone say props anymore? Even my blog is sounding like old man ><
              The food was tasy so were the drinks, I can't remember what I had for my beverage but I can tell you it was tasty and strong, like most of the staff now that I think about, I'm telling you this place had it going on =)
              Were joined by Nick and Andy. Nick is Jennie's older brother and Andy is his main squeeze. It's always fun hanging with those two. Nick is a super cool dude and Andy is one of the sassiest gals I've ever met. We spent the evening talking about Nick's new dojo which will be opening next year for those of you who wish to expand your knowledge of yourself and learn the art of Wing Chung. Then we talked about some of the local theater and burlesque troupes and how we wish we could be part of them. All in all it was one of my favorite types of evening, hanging out in downtown drinking coffee at some hipster cafe and talking about art and the future! So for that I say thanks you guys because you made me very happy ^^
               Oh and before I forget, while we were at dinner Jennie slipped away to tell the server it was my birthday, when they brought me my birthday dessert I was filled with such joy! Seriously, no one has done that for me in years and for once in a long long time I felt like all those other people I used to see walking around own in their perfect little relationships. It felt good, it's something tha I want to hold on to for as long as I can.
               So that was last night, this is today! So what's next? Well on my wish list is to finish a "Coming out sketch" for the troupe. I'd like to work on Frankie's Story or at least the screenplay for it, perhaps I'll polish the turd known as my 5 minutes for next weeks comedy open mic night. I think a few more passes at some of the jokes I've been working on and I'll be ready to start working on a ten minute set! I'm really excited about all of the stand up. If anything I really missed being up on a stage, it's one of the few place that really feels like home for me. Some of you out there had been there with me at AMDA. AMDA stands for the American Musical and Dramatic Acadamy for those of you who aren't aware. It's so funny because back then I hated going up on stage mainly because I was usually unprepared, like some of my friends who were in class with me. These days I still hate to go up when I'm in the same boat, mainly because I feel like I'm really cheating myself when I try to slap someting together last minute. Besides my performance is always a thousand times better when I go up prepared.
              I think this next year is going to be something really special. I had known that a year ago when I transitioned my life and my income from being a manager to being an artist that it would be rough. This year I found out exactly how rough that would be, I had almost lost my instruments in pawn this year, and many times I was afraid Jennie would look at me and say,"Fuck this loser I'm out of here!"
              Well I was wrong on many fronts, Jennie has been there for me in so many ways and she seems to see all of whats not perfect about who I am and loves me anyways, take that ego! Yeah, this is going to be a great year!
              Till next time Party People,
              Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Longmont Files Day 5: Getting a bead on CO living.

Morning Party People!
    Wow, what a day yesterday! I think I’m getting the hang of this happy thing. Perhaps I’m getting more and more comfortable with Jennie’s family. To be honest there’s a big part of me that would love to call them my in laws someday. That’s in the future though, this is now.
    Jennie’s Dad came to join us yesterday, Jerry is his name. We’ve talked a little bit here and there but I don’t think I’ve really gotten a chance to spend some actual time with him until now. He’s a wonderful guy, a minister for a biker church,volunteer for a homeless shelter, and all around great guy.
    We went to downtown Longmont to do some shopping, we started at a vitamin store which was more like a Sprouts or a Whole foods as most of the store was raw food items as well a supplements. The people thats worked there were all super friendly. It was filled with two types of employees, either it was a young person with a collections of tattoos and gauges or it was a 60 year old hippie with what looked like a protein deficiency. No matter which everyone was real happy and nice, that was until I asked if they carried corn syrup for a pecan pie Jennie was going to make. I’d rank that up with when I asked an Amish pie vendor if they took debit cards. It’s when you don’t intend to be a dick but end up being one anyways that makes it all so funny.
    Next we walked down the main street of Downtown Longmont which is a collection of varied privately owned businesses. I was in heaven! It’s great to see so many people take their ideas and form them into a tangible business, I live in AZ where they talk about that concept a lot but I rarely see it with in the city limits. It’s in the cities or Arizona that the corporations rule the dreams of the american entrepreneur, yet somehow here in Colorado the individual still holds some sway. For instance we went to a bead lounge...a bead- Ok this is how much I love my gal Jennie. I went to church,a Richard Marx concert and a fucking bead store for her, but I digress.
    The rest of the day had a taste of discovery that has yet to leave either of us. Today we’re going to look at apartments as part of our continuing research of transplanting to CO. I’m pretty excited about it, the thought of starting a new life has been with me ever since my marriage ended. Seriously I’ve wanted to move to another state and start over for years now. The main reason I haven’t yet was that I didn’t want to move to get away from my problems, well that was then, this is now. I’m the person I  want to be as opposed to the guy I ended up being and I can feel the urge to move deep in my veins.
    So I hope to find something exciting today, I hope you find something exciting in your day too, so till next time Party People,
    Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Longmont Files: Day 4 A New Snoozy Day

Morning Party People!   
    I find I’m sleeping in more and more over this past week, maybe this vacation is starting to set in. Who knows, all I can tell at this point is that Jennie’s family are super great and I’m having a lot of fun in ways that don’t involve video games,liquor or the internet. Yes it boggles my mind as well.
    Yesterday was a much happier day as it didn’t involve any religious services or over priced bistros. To be honest all I did yesterday was sleep, my body hasn’t acclimated to this altitude just yet so breathing tended to get kind of difficult which is why I stayed in bed most of the day. It sucks really, knowing there’s a whole city out there to get to know but all I could do is sleep. At least I had Jennie to snuggle with.
    When we did venture out of the house we went to the market to get some supplies for tonights dinner. I’m excited about it as we’re making gluten free pizza which is one of my specialties. I forget the name of the store we were in but it was the same as Fry’s back in AZ. The biggest difference was over here the store was chock full of white people. It’s so funny to me when I get nervous about that. I guess working with so many cultures and people that when I’m around only one I think something ominous is approaching. Damn liberals must have gotten to me.
    One of the biggest trips for me has been one of the things I’ve been trying not to write about. Jennie’s niece and nephew as well as their parents. These kids are so smart and so nice and wonderful and yet they are raised in a manner that is so foreign to me that I still find it a little jarring. Now keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with this family or how they run it, nothing at all. I think in my mind they way I was raised is the only logical way to raise a kid, pure ego right? That’s what I’m finding anyways. I was raised by a fairly strict Mexican upbringing. If you don’t know what that is , it’s very similar to how any lower class family raises their kids only when your mom gets pissed she swears in Spanish.
    There was a lot of ridicule in our house, a lot of love mind you but there was a lot of harshness to go with it. I guess my parents thought that this world is a tough place so they wanted their kids to be equally tough. This meant a lot of tough love, stern gazes telling us to take the pain of whatever was hurting us, to make are hearts like ice when we needed them to be. I wont say that these traits haven't helped me in this life but now I think I might have lost something along the way.
    What I see in this house are two parents that dedicate their lives to loving these kids. They love so openly and with out apology or shyness thats it’s a little overwhelming for me to see. I’m just not used to seeing it. So where does that leave me? With a lot of questions thats where!
    I think I need to open my heart and mind , to what? To love and forgiveness, forgiveness of being vulnerable, forgiveness for caring  and a forgiveness for all the things I keep hidden about how I feel about this world.
    If anything I’m grateful for seeing a new way to do things, a new way to live, a new way to love. Today would have been Jennie’s Moms birthday. Sadly she passed a way over a year ago. I know this is going to be a tough day for her, I’m going to be there for her as much as I can and with a little luck, just a bit more so.
    Till next time Party People ,
    Keep on a Chooglin!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Longmont Files: Trading Places with an Ugly Me

Morning Party People!
    I’m writing at the crack of 11:00am here in the pretty town of Longmont CO.
Hey did you know I’m a bigot? Neither did I to be honest but then I went to a church service yesterday.
    Perhaps bigot is too strong of a term but I definitely was not as happy as the other people who were in attendance. I found myself being somewhat of a Faith Snob to be honest. While everyone one was singing with their hands in the air and eyes closed with huge smile on their face I couldn’t help but feel it was forced. That’s a horrible thing to say and I don’t like admitting it. I mean if it works for them and they believe they’re happy what should I feel anything but happy for them?
    Maybe it’s because I lack the spirit if Christ? Maybe I’m a lost sheep who needs a shepherd so I could back and rejoice in the glory of the lord and spend eternity worshiping and serving his majesty....did I even mention I was raised in this?
    This is going to sound so blasphemous and un-patriotic that I feel I should warn most of you. When most pastors talk to me about how Jesus died on a cross I get the same feeling in my gut as when an war veteran tells me he fought for my freedom. I’m not saying they didn’t but I need to look at their actions a bit more closely before I just take it at face value. something tells me that we as a people are far to giving of respect to all sorts or the wrong things.
    so yeah I’m still a bit wound up over yesterday, I think I need to meditate on these feeling a bit more before I write any further. So onto another topic!
    We went to see Richard Marx in concert last night. Granted this wasn’t my idea but I can honestly say that yes I had a good time. I’ve never been a big fan of his music but this guy can defiantly put on a great show. Jennie had a blast and all was well.
    That was until we stopped at a market to get some snacks and I said I was going to get some smokes. Jennie politely opposed this purchase in the kindest most encouraging manner, of to which I got all silent and ass-like. I don’t know everything but I do know when I should keep quiet so I don’t say something I know I’d regret. I apologized once we got home of course and all was well.
    There was one more part of the evening where we went out to eat in a nice posh restaurant and I’d love to tell you about them but fuck those dicks and their over priced,under portioned, and needlessly over spiced menu. Fuck’em hard
    So today we’ll be trying to think of something to add to the thanksgiving dinner while fighting off my nicotine withdrawals. If I can find a gluten free phyllo I think we’ll be in business!
    I know I sound pretty bitchy right now, its because I hate all this uncertainty in my life right now, then again patience is what life seems to want me to learn . I’ll be very happy once this lesson is learned as so will most of the people in my life. Thanks for being there by the way.

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

The Longmont Files: Day 2 Leaving track Marx

Good Morning Party People!
    Another day in the Mile Hi Suburb here in Longmont Colorado. I’m having a blast hanging with my sweetie and her family. We all did a little sight seeing when we went to downtown Denver and had lunch at a great restaurant whose names escapes me but thats ok seeing as who the hell cares...really?
    The restaurant itself was pretty interesting as it sat about 100 people and was privately owned, all I could think of was if I were ever forced to work back as a manager that would be the kind of business I would like to run.
    We walked around for a little bit after that, I felt a little bad because our hosts didn’t know what to show us but then again we had no idea  what to see. After a bit we gave up seeing anything that would make us go WHOA(Joey Lawrnce) WHOA!
    However on the way back we did see something pretty special. Chris (Jennie’s brother in law) was pointing out a lot of the downtown landmarks as Sam(Jennie’s 7 year old nephew) asked question after question in case I missed any. I was a little preoccupied as my Sis was texting me about how her cat scratched my cat in the eye. As Sis and I were trying to find a solution and Chris was showing me the city I saw something truly great, a strip club followed by a seedy bar.
    We were getting into an artsy part of the city. I think we were on Collifax or something but the neighborhood was full of tattoo parlors  and coffee shops with the side streets being jammed with huge Victorian style homes. This part of town had some character, this said welcome to me.
    As we passed by these cozy three storied homes I imagined myself looking out of every window. What would it feel like inside? Where would we put my studio? What would it feel like to unlock the front door and walk in on a Sunday afternoon?    
    Could this be a new home? Could this be a new life? What would I be leaving behind?
    So now there are a lot of new questions that need answers but at least what I have now is some time to figure things out. It’s a cross between knowing the difference what is new and exciting and what’s good for us.
    That was yesterday, today is going to be interesting, we’re going to church and later tonight we’re going to a Richard Marx concert...yes I love Jennie that much =P
    I’ll try and put some pics up tomorrow,till next time Party People
    Keep on a Chooglin!

Friday, November 23, 2012

The Longmont Files Day 1:The Journey Begins

Hello Party People! I’m writing from the desk of a cozy basement just north of Denver Colorado. That’s right, I’m on vacation with my sweetie! We’re here to see the sights and visit with her family and in someways maybe see if I would be interested in moving here. I’m not so sure about the last part but I’m more than willing to be convinced.
    I love airports but only in the most sarcastic sense of the word “love”. We flew out of Mesa Gateway which is very much a smaller airport than Sky Harbor. They didn’t have a food court but more two sandwich stands on either end of the concourse. The one on our side was a paradise bakery so we thought we were in luck. We go up to the counter and I notice that there is a stark look of fear on the staff, everyone seems like a bunch of puppies with their tails between their legs. I’ve seen this look before, it usually involves one bitch of a manag- and there she was!
    She stool about 5’8, not super tall by any means but taller than most of the girls who worked there. She was somewhere between 26 and 30 years old but her scowl seemed much older. Perhaps she inherited it from a sadistic old woman of German decent. Her eyes were an icy blue that only showed any warmth at sight of tears. Her hair was wound up tight in a perm that was traditionally reserved for women who are frantically fighting the closet door that will one day open wether they want it to or not. Clearly this world we live in was a punching bag through the icy blue gaze of this woman who longed for the days of team sports and an limitless future that didn’t include asking people if they wanted an extra cookie.
    We approached the counter to put in the order, the teller was asking the  right questions with the red shirted hawk looking over her shoulder yet the teller flinched when she asked if we wanted to upsize on our drinks. We hesitated for a moment and the hawk swooped down from her perch to let us know what’s what.
    “22 or 32 oz and I charge for refills!”
    Clearly she was in charge. I asked for a 22 oz but with no ice. For those of you who don’t know, asking for no ice in the food biz is a subtle way of telling the workers, “I won’t let you cheat me out of soda with your devious ice!” If anything that’s how she took it, which was good because that’s how I meant it ^^
    That was the extent of the actual trip, now I’m in the basement of Jennie’s sisters house looking up through the grates and seeing the glimpses of such a beautiful blue sky. I can’t wait to see what this week has in store for Jennie and me. I know we’re going to a Richard Marx concert this weekend, yes I love her that much.

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

It's a lot harder staying true to yourself than Disney would have you believe

It's a lot harder staying true to yourself than Disney would have you believe. Thats what I've been having to face over this past year.

Morning Party People, it's 1 in the morning here in Tempe, outside just a few blocks away there are a few thousand college kids hooting and hollering on Mill celebrating Halloween. In a few minutes some of them will be ecstatic as they will have someone to go home with, for others it will become painfully obvious that they will be going home alone.  That feeling of reality will cause a lot of people to panic, either they will start a fight with a random stranger or perhaps they will call up an ex for a booty call, either way the next morning is bound to feel worse than this moment.

I think there's something to that awful feeling of not being included. I think a lot of us have felt that at one point or another. I was talking to Jennie today and I said sometimes I feel like life has two teams and out of all the people being picked I'm the last. The funny thing about this feeling is tht that the more I think about it I fear the more power I give it. So fuck both of the teams =D

So as some of you know I've been driving a taxi for the past few months. I've done ok at it but only ok. I know there are a lot of cabbies who do really well at this gig but holy shit am I not one of them right now. I've been working an insane amount of hours with not nearly the return I'd hope for. I think this is Gaia's way of giving me a hint. I left managing to learn to live of my creativity, which I started to do but then I got behind on my bills and have been focusing on getting back to normal. since then I have spent little or no time on doing anything creative, hell when was the last time I wrote to you guys?

So this is me picking me first for my own team, followed by my Sweetie and anyone else who feels like playing! I'm going to try and only work three to four days a week and spend the rest of the week getting DisJointed Productions back on it's feat. That's why I left Host right? I mean otherwise this would have been a colossal waste of time... =)

I listen to the Joe Rogan podcast quite a bit as I have a shit ton of time by myself in a taxi. One of the things that he says that rings true to me is that we have the power to be the hero in our own movie. This could be the day that the hero wakes up and decides to change his/her life, confronts the lesser parts of themselves and truly starts living.

Till next time Party Poeple,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, September 3, 2012

It's 3 AM yet I'm not lonely

Morning Party People!
         I woke up just before 3 am and it seems I have to whole world to myself. I'm thinking about the past few days and the subtle impact they've had on the world of me as well as DisJointed Productions. At this point those two things are mostly the same thing but I know that at some point they won't be.
         This Saturday my cousin,his fiance, and I filmed our first event that we got paid for. I've gotten paid for a few jobs previous to this but this was something much bigger than I had previously done. How did it go? It went as well as it could given where we are at in this new career. Did we make mistakes? Yes we made a few, I had my camera on the wrong setting for a bit but in the end we still go the footage that we needed to. There was a little issue on how we wanted to get some footage but I think a lot of that comes from my cousin and I being used to being the only camera men on the scene. Meaning that we got to learn how to work with multiple cameras.
          "I can't do this all by myself"
         At the end of the evening I was exhausted which was weird seeing as Tasha (Jim's Fiance) worked harder than both of us. As I was driving home to my sweetie I had such a wonderful feeling come over me. I remember that saying that goes by "If you find something that you love to do then you'll never work another day in your life", well that night we got paid to learn and we got paid to create and I've never been so happy to be so tired for something that did not feel like work.
         "I might not have to do this by myself"
         This Sunday Jennie and I went to a pool party that was thrown by our friends Stevie and Michelle. Stevie was nice and gracious enough to cook some barbecue for us and as always made us feel more than welcome. Our buddy Rick was also there, Rick is a guy I've known for years but I'd say that I didn't really get a chance to get to know him until a few years ago. He's also one of the best musicians I've ever met, both him and Stevie are two of the best guitarist I've had the pleasure to call friends in this life. I had asked Stevie to help me out with a song that I've been stuck with for a while. Stevie asked Rick to jump in and throw his two cents in as well and  I was hit by two emotions.
         The first one was worry as I feel I might be wasting their time with something that was on my mind. The other was gratitude because I have a tendency to forget that I have friends that are always willing to help out. I'm going to try and shoot for a Tuesday or Thursday to work out this song that's been stuck in my skull.
          "Why do you think you have to do this all by yourself?"
         That night Jennie and I were holding each other why we were in the pool. We'd look up to the stars and then into each other's eyes and I felt at peace. There are moments in my life that are so special, so intense, so important that I can't imagine my life being the same without them. Tonight I felt that way about Jennie being in my life. She's everything I've always wanted, even more so for all the things I didn't know I did.
         " You'll never have to do all this by yourself Dave"
         I tell you Party people, this world can be shitty, it can be cruel but if you work on yourself enough it all starts to make sense in the most beautiful way!

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

This is it!

Tonight's the night Party People!

            Tonight DisJointed Productions will be filming what hopes to be the first of many quinceanerras! We did the rehearsal yesterday and we have some great ideas of moments we'll be wanting to shoot and all in all I think we're ready.

            It's been a tough years for DisJointed Productions but at the end of it we've become stronger for it. We have a ways to go before I can feel comfortable saying we're a success but I can say I feel much more comfortable confronting anything that comes our way!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

An End to this Begining

Here lies the remains of the beginning of Dave's new life. It started out strong like most beginnings do, it had it's ups and downs but in the end all beginnings must blossom into an existence or fade back to whence they came. In this case the "beginning" left us last night as Dave went to bed. All of the things he had hoped for when he left his old life had finally come to pass. so it's with a full heart and a joy that resides in his once vacant smile we say good-bye to intentions and rest in the company of  pride and determination.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

stuck in the middle of want and need

Morning Party People!

        I'm in a wonderful spot in this life as of late. I have a job I'm not super thrilled about and two others that I'm insanely psyched about. The two that make me giggle are a quinceraerra that my cousin and I will be filming in September and the other is a comedy troupe that I'm putting together!

        I've already started on the pre-production for the quinceanerra and I have two writers in the troupe with another possible two more on the way. We have scripts we're working on and in two weeks I'll be scouting venues. It's only baby steps so far but I'm happy to take everyone.

        So far one of the more difficult things to do is fight the urge to ask everyone I know for help on this Troupe. I want it so bad and in my mind this is something that would make everyone I know very happy to work with me on, the sun will shine and birds will fly out of the buts of random hobos. Clearly everything except for the but birds probably wouldn't happen. It's ego trying to slam a monkey wrench into my plans again, it tells me that a world filled with friends will share and love an idea as much as I do, that way I won't feel so scared about doing all of this. In fact that's my ego putting the burden of hope and faith on all of my friends so I don't have to carry it. Sneaky bitch isn't it?

       I'm lucky enough to have some super supportive people in my life so perhaps I'm old enough finally to see that I don't need anymore no matter how much I want them.

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Evening Party People,

     I wanted to weigh in on the Aurora shooting in CO tonight. The whole thing pisses me off to no end for many reasons. I could go on and on about what a fucking psycho this guy is and how horrible it must be for all the survivors in this tragedy. I can't do anything for them sadly, none of us can for the most part, so how do we deal with this? Why did this happen? How come this guy was the one who snapped? What can I do?
      I think for a first step we can do the opposite of what this asshole wanted and show no fear. My sweetie and I were planning on going to the movies this weekend and we still plan to go. Fuck that guy!
      Maybe it was because of Sept 11 , or the anthrax scare, or the foiled bombers  we caught trying to light his underwear on fire but I've had enough of all of it. I'm tired of being scared, every time something like this goes down it turns into a 2nd amendment issue and we lose sight of what just happened.
      We as a civilization had someone slip through the cracks, another loner created, disconnected from the world as much as he was from his humanity. How'd that happen? Don't you think that should be the real question? How did this guy grow up? What was the environment like in his house from when he was a baby? Was he on any medication? If so for what?
       His mother is a nurse and his dad a manager for a software company. Was there anyone at home as he grew up? Maybe maybe not. If they were would it have made a difference? Once again maybe,maybe not.
       So enough with the hypothetical and supposition! How can we make this world a better place? I ask this because every time something like this happens I have to ask the question, is this the best we can fucking make of this world?
       I think about the family I want to have one day, the kind of house I want to live in, the kind of life that would make me happy, then I think about what kind of money I would need to make that life possible. We all do. The thing is most of the blue collar work out there won't provide for that kind of living anymore. Hell I made a few thousand more than my Dad did when he was alive and I would not come close to our former standard of living (upper lower class). The fact of the matter is that the "American Dream" now must rely on two incomes for it to come true. We all want a good life so we all work hard hoping that it'll all pay off one day, during that time kids are at home who were once raised by the TV have moved on to a different sitter, video games and the Internet.
        The children will be occupied, they will be entertained, and they will be educated in this digital age but they wont be loved.
         I'll say it again, they won't be loved. That one element of the human condition that propels us forward in the whirlwind of time, that what gives us cause to war as it does to heal. We all need it, we all have it to give yet it's the one commodity that we trade so sparingly.
        So what do we do now? Start hugging random homeless people and hope it all works out? I'm not sure, maybe we start by putting some more love in the life we have right now. How can we show our life that we truly love it and everyone involved? I think if we did it might set a better example for the generations  coming up behind us.
         I wonder if anyone told James Holmes how to love another human being. If anyone taught him about how wonderful life could be, or did they just teach him life was cruel and pointless? Or more than likely he was taught and shown nothing of any of these things and grew up alone.
         I feel this day was a failure on the part of our civilization.

Thanks for letting me vent Party People

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Another chunk of "WHAAAA?"

Ok I have no idea hat I want to write today. I had been doing "Morning Papers" which is basically stream of conscious writing for three pages every morning while trying not to use quotations for "everything".

I thought maybe I 'd try that here just to see what it looks like. I usually prefer to do this on paper using a no.2-7 gauge pencil with a soft mechanical grip and gps attached. Have you seen one of these? They completely revolutionized the pencil world when they were unveiled at the 2006 Pencexpo in Pancil Iowa.  If you haven't gone you need to check it out. Granted there is a bit of protest against the industry from environmentalist who argue that shoving lead into a tree is just an dick move and also from fringe ultra conservative group who think pencils are to uppity and prefer writing with those big crayons with the one flat side. If you go I should warn you not to be seen texting at any point in time while you're in the main hall as you will get kicked in the balls by an old lady. I'm serious, that's a paid position that many old ladies in the industry train for through out the year. You can spot these gals easily enough by there binoculars and there one steel toed boot.

Was I going anywhere with this? How the hell did I end up in Iowa? Sure I came for the pencil convention but now I'm just standing on the side of the road wondering where my car is, and for that matter what the hell does it look like? Iowa is a lot like my old marriage, there's no reason to ever go back there.

Hey back to reality for a bit. I went out dancing last nite with my sweetie! I usually go to a club that's geared toward bigger people like myself. When I say bigger I mean intellects...not wangs thank you very much! I used to have a blast every time I went there but for a few months now my ex wife has been going there with her friends and now it doesn't seem as fun to me. I think one of the reasons is that seeing her reminds me of the spineless coward I used to be. I wasn't able to stand up for myself for anything I held dear to me for so long, I cringe at every tear that ever rolled down my cheeks, I think how I'm glad my Dad wasn't alive to see me during this time of my life, it was that bad. You ever do that? Think to you past at cringe?

 I do that a lot these days. I think one of the reasons  why I do is that I know I'm moving into a different phase of this life, a lot of things that seemed to fit into my life no longer do, certain thoughts or thought processes are being rejected. Maybe that's why I cringe when I think of bad things in my past, it's like my soul is rejecting the idea in the same way a body might reject a transplanted organ.

Freedom, a buzz word as of late. It's also a word that people throw out there into the ether without knowing exactly what it means, much like disingenuous, literally, or proactive. What is freedom? More importantly, what is freedom to you? I think that's the most important question anyone can ask themselves. Some might say it's what they fought for and what the friends and family died for. Noble but it dodges the question. It's my right to chose how I live my life! Once again,noble but what have you done to build your life to your ideal of a good thing? Meaning, is the life you live now what you wanted or the best of what you thought you could get? If your life is the best of what you thought you could get then the question that no one wants to ask is ,"Exactly how free are you?"

There's a line in  the movie Easy Rider where Jack Nicholson says," ..Don't ever tell them that they aint free..." Is that the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about? How free are any of us? Do you live in the city and state that you always wanted to live in? Is the job the job you wanted to be doing when you were young and dreamed of how you wanted to contribute something good to this world?  For my life the answer was about 60% yes.

60% of a lot of the things I wanted in life, close but no cigar. I had a marriage, a house, and even a step kid. Should I have been happy? Sure, and even sometimes I was. I had accepted the best of what I thought I could get. I know that sounds mean and cruel and I don't mean it to be but that's the truth. Deep down I hated everything about me and my life so I broke the fuck out of everything in it. I wish I had made a better choice but it's in the past. Why am I going into all of this? I was still free to buy as many guns as I could, buy a Hummer and wear an American flag while protesting just about anything  but how free was I? I wasn't. I was enslaved by how this world works, by how it takes a young man or woman and crushes every bit of strength out of them and leaves them a fucking drone to live of credit and eat through fast food garbage. The fucked up part is that we do all of this to ourselves.

Now I need to think of how I can use my freedom in a way that exists in the form of a memory of what I do today as opposed to some bullshit potential though of what I might be able to do "someday".

Thanks for letting me babel random thoughts.

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

I have 15 minutes to write so here goes!

Morning Party People!
               Ok So I was thinking of leaving foe work early this morning but then I thought I should try to start the day off by making the most of the last few minutes of peace.
               FYI yes I still have a McJob. It's something that I like slightly less that managing restaurants but hey at least it's not something that makes me not want to get out of bed in the morning. Have you ever had a job like that? Something so horrible that every minute before you step into work is a moment of dread? I've felt like that before, I almost hopped that I would get hit by a car on the way to work or slip into a coma the night before, anything to keep from having to show up at some hell hole.
               I hope as things progress with DisJointed I can prevent the company from turning into a place like that. If I ever grow to a point where we have to take on extra help that the associates like showing up to work everyday...well most days anyways.

                On a different note I have to say I love to rant on random subjects. I love starting a thought and to keep it rolling and see what it evolves to. I was messaging a friend on FB yesterday and I thought of something silly as I was writing. I decided to include it into the message and I just kept going with it, not sure how she'll react but I'd like to think she giggled as she was reading it...that or she called the cops =S

Here's the post as it related on me being on the guest list , after that I I start talking about a video I did for her club (Club Fullfilled-Where it's cool to be Curvy)

Christy: Dave you're on the list for tomorrow =)

Dave    : Thanks! FYI I listened one metric fuckton of music to find the song for the vid so if              anyone  says shit please punch them .... In the elbow or something , nothing too bad mind... Maybe the forearm , that won't hurt them too bad but it will make them think.

Hey since I'm asking you to assault people for me, what are you doing next Wednesday ? I was think of beating the crap out of some Tweens for like NO reason whatsoever . Ok maybe there is a reason, maybe they called me tubby, maybe they yelled out something racist? Or maybe I just have a bucket list where I convince a sweet gal to commit a major felony and I have a feeling I might be able to get that checked off next week... So how about 3? Lol
Wow this message was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be! Cya Saturday !

I might have a problem =S

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Friday, June 29, 2012

This feels kind of framiliar in an unfriendly way

Morning Party People!
            Normally I wouldn't be writing to you right now, normally I'd be at work filling the ice bins and getting coffee for all the weary people getting ready to face the brutal environment of Sky Harbor Airport. Today however I'm back at home after I got to work and saw that they cut my hours from 4 days a week to 2. Thanks guys!
            Note to all employers out there in the internet and the world at large, I'll care about your money and bottom line as much as you care about mine. You need to save money? Ok I get that, but I work a position which generates revenue, when you cut hours from those positions they tend not to work as well/make as much money for you. Lucky for me I got a plan!
            So where am I at this point? I feel like I'm back at Uno's in Tempe at the ail end of my time there. Most of my friends had moved on to other jobs,without them there I hated coming to work. As a waiter , the more you hate your job the less money you make FYI. I had said in passing one day that I wanted to put in my two weeks and ta-da! Two weeks later I was off the schedule. Now this is the embarrassing part, I kept picking up a few shifts here and there for like another two or three weeks, after awhile one of the managers just couldn't take it anymore and told me to stop coming in! She said I hadn't been put on the schedule for a reason and I needed to just go. Funny when I look back but at the time it was pretty devastating. I'm glad though, I was locked in a bad relationship with that job, a self destructive one that poisoned the both of us. I needed to go in order to move on, if anything that whole story reminds me of just how tough it was to leave that job.
             It was time and life was tired of giving me subtle hints so it gave me a big one. That's what today feels like.
             So I left work without throwing a fit and believe me I wanted to let them know just how pissed I was. I was on my way home when my gas light came on, I figured my insurance check is going to bounce anyways so why should my tank be empty? I put in 13 bucks in the tank and headed home. When I got home I saw one of the other tenants in the complex with a pair of jumper cables in his hand. Turns out that my bad day was the beginning of his lucky one so I helped him get his car started with a jump.
             This time I was listening to what the universe was telling me. I think I was supposed to be off the schedule today, I'm supposed to be broke from that job, if I was making enough money from that job I wouldn't be doing this promotion gig. So for today rather than taking orders and wiping off tables I'll be writing a contract for our biggest client to date! After that I'll be writing an ad for our affordable quinceanera deal on CL! In short (too late) I'll be making my own way!
              I can't believe I just thought of this but I'd also like to officially welcome Jim Miller to DisJointed Productions LLC1 Jim has been with me since the beginning of DisJointed, it's a concept we both came up with but over the years I went in one direction with learning film and Jim went his own and started New Mutiny Media and Geekssociated Press. Now after four years we're finally working together! I was helping Jim with some of his coverage of the Phoenix Comic-Con and since then we found ourselves working together more and more. There's no one else I'd rather be working with, seeing as I have a huge ego and tend not to listen to 98% of criticism that comes my way, Jim is one of the people I trust to always give me some good and more importantly,useful critiques on our work.
               Till next time Party People,
               Keep on a Chooglin!

Friday, June 8, 2012

This sinking feeling

I'm sitting in my car, wasting time before I go into work. Let me say right now that like you , I hate not having money. Nothing makes me feel like less of a man than not coming home with enough money to pay my bills, or even worse , not being able to provide for me and my sweetie.
Recently I was thinking about going back into management as a way to get back on top of things. I was talking to Jennie about this and she said something so beautiful that it brought a tear to eye.
She said that she understands that I'm frustrated and that going back to managing seems like a good idea but she wouldn't want it getting in the way of my dreams. She said that she thinks that the stories I write and the music I make and even the promo videos are all very important and that she wants to see me succeed so much that she doesn't mind if we don't have enough money. "we'll get by",she said.
I felt like the luckiest guy in the world.
So here I sit trying to find my next baby step, do I keep looking for theater work? Perhaps more promo clients, maybe music? Or do I step into the world of producing ? You know now that I think about it, a year ago I never would have had these opportunities while being a manager...
I had a friend once tell me that I have so much of what I've been looking for that I just don't see it. I hate to say it but it's true, maybe my next baby step is learning to get out if my own way.
Till next time Party People
Keep on a chooglin!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Easier said than done my friend

Morning Party People,

          So I laid down for a nap around 4 pm today and I woke up around 1:30 am and now I'm writing to you just to let you know where I'm coming from.
          I'd like to talk about women tonight. I'd like to talk about how from a man's point of view they are the most desirable yet so detestable at times. I'm sure there are many gals who feel the same way about guys and that's cool. I don't want this post to become a "women Suck" rant. I love women, it's just taken me awhile to figure out which women I should love and which ones I shouldn't give two shits about.
           Last Saturday I went to film some shots for an updated promo video for Club Fullfilled in Phoenix. When I walked to the door I saw a wonderful gal who I used to date. She was with her new guy and they seemed to be really happy. That made me feel great to see as I had felt bad how things ended between her and I. Rather than act like some awkward teenager and avoid the two I thought I'd be an adult and say hi. There was a moment of awkwardness  but then I think we remembered we're all adults and went on with the evening. I introduced myself to the new guy who seemed like a really nice guy. I felt good from all of this. Like it was some sort of confronted confrontation that would've existed entirely unnoticed yet fester if left unattended.
           When I got into the club and started filming I noticed that my ex-wife was also there with a date of her own. The couple seemed to be having a very good evening, meaning they were all over each other. As I was filming I tried to not record them in any of my shots (I thought that would have been creepy). I went outside for a smoke and saw them there again and thought I'd say hi, to which she just blew me off and pretended I didn't exist. Can you see the contrast in the women I used to associate with?
           When I hear guys who are having women problems and they just can't seem to understand why they love them so much yet they make their lives so miserable I feel bad for them, who wouldn't it? I feel the same way for gals who have the same issues. I guess they only thing I can say to them is that the only way I found better women in my life was to be a better person. Meaning I had to stop all the crazy shit in my skull. One of the biggest problems I used to have was that I would jump into every relationship with both feat every time one came across my path. I would get hurt and then I would cry and bitch and moan then dust myself off and do it all again when the opportunity arose. As much as I could hate a lot of these gals I just blame myself for getting involved with them. Why do I do that? I do it because I find it a waste of energy to be upset at people who don't behave and act the way I want them to. People are and should always be themselves , unfortunately for my grand ego they don't always fit in how I want them to be.
          Over the past year I finally stopped jumping in with both feat, I learned to take my time and to wait and see what kind of gal I was really getting involved with. In management I found that with any new hire they always show you their best side for the first two weeks, then after that they show you their bad side. The trick is to not have moved in with them before that first month!
           For now I'm grateful for my girlfriend, I'm grateful that we didn't rush into our relationship, I'm grateful that she's an understanding gal who doesn't get uncomfortable when I want to vocalize what it is I'm feeling, and most of all I'm grateful that she's not a bitch =)

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Choc full of Lesbians!!!

Morning Party People!

Lots to talk about today! First off I'd like to say that I feel fantastic! I get to wake up next to a wonderful woman whose love I feel surround me at all times. Even more importantly is that I'm finally in a place where I can accept all these great things that have entered my life. Here's an example:

Last Sunday Girl in a Coma was playing at The Cresent Ballroom in Phoenix and I had been dying to see these gals play live for at least a few years now. Jenny and I had tickets and were ready to go but she felt ill the night of the concert. I felt torn as in this situation in many of my past relationships I would have stayed home so as to not have fun with out my gal with me. Wow when I write it out like that it seems pretty sad, I guess it is/was. Well Jennie said she didn't mind if i went by myself and in a bizarre turn of any of my relationships I believed her. Now I'm sure I would have had a better time if we had both gone but in the end I had a great time by myself and for that I love her all the more.

Oh about the concert! This was one of those special things for me as far as wanting to see something for so long and finally being able to be there and see one of my favorite bands play live was a dream come true. I know I'm making this whole thing out to be something bigger than it actually is but at the same time I'm making an effort to continually be amazed with this world. So about this band, if you happen to be one of the few people I haven't talked their ear off about this band you can check out their web page here . I felt a little out of place at the concert for a few reasons. You see GIAC has a pretty big lesbian following. Meaning that a lot of lesbians dig their music...not that they're all huge lesbians. Now I know this next part is all in my head but I really didn't want to come off as some creepy guy on the prowl in a bar frequented by lesbians, maybe if I was even chubbier than I am now and had the whole ponytail balding guy thing going...and was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, then I wouldn't have cared what anyone thought. Hey just in case, if you ever see me at 350lbs with a ponytail and a fat guy hawaiin shirt please get me to a shrink as I'm more than likely suicidal.

When I got there the house hadn't really filled up just yet as it was on a Sunday, only the true fans would be in attendance that night. The show started about 8ish which started with Sara Radle which put on one hell of a performance. Next up was Pinata Protest, if I had to describe this band I would say,"Imagine a Latino version of Flogging Molly!" I'll be honest people, I've always hated the accordion but after seeing how the lead singer made that lame ass instrument rock I've changed my mind on the whole thing. There's nothing better than seeing a band you've never heard of and loving every note that you hear as it floats,swims and darts through the air. Even more interesting as that I was standing just off to the left of the stage and it took me a few moments to realize that the the gals in Girl in a Coma were standing right in front of me listening to the opening bands! I wanted to say hi but then I thought about the whole creepy solo guy and thought I should just enjoy the evening as it is.

As for GIAC, as much as they rock on their albums they rock ten fold live! The best part was one of my suspicions were confirmed about their last album Exits and all the Rest. Now out of all their albums the last one is my least favorite. Not because I think it's bad it's just not as good as the others. When it came out I downloaded it and to my dismay a lot of the crunchy guitar was replaced with dulled down rifts. I know they were trying something different but the new tunes didn't really resonate with me. One of the things I thought was that maybe the producer didn't really get the band as they were and tried to fit them into the mold of the industry (cute,sexy, and non threatening). Listening to their new songs live convinced me of this as when I heard  everything that made me love them in the first place with all the ways their music has grown it made me hope that they make a live version of the last album (See Roger Clyne Reel to Real/Honky Tonk Union).

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Keeping the Party Going

Evening Party People,
     Tonight's theme is keeping the party going and when I say Party I mean our day to day lives. why would I refer to our lives as parties? Hey it's not like I don't know that a lot of us have to go to work in the morning or are late on whatever bills we have. Hell most of us might have just had the shittiest day in a long time so why the hell is it a party?
     I think of it this way: Just because there are balloons and cake in the room doesn't mean that you'd have a good time right? Then again some night just having a good conversation is enough to create a memory that can shape your whole life, it's kind of what we make it.
     There in lies the challenge compardes. It's so fucking tough to keep our collective heads up in this world when we look at our problems we see that there isn't the black and white that we were brought up with but a collage of greys that muddle the contrast of this world. I think we look for an "answer" to put our lives in order. Maybe you don't but I have and I try not to these days. Don't get the wrong idea, it's not like I'm bowing out of the rat race but I find that we miss an important element in this whole process.

    "Before the answer comes we must make a choice and there in lies the truth to our lives"

     I've spoken a lot about what the next baby step is and how that's made the difference in my life. That all still applies mind you but I wanted to talk about "choice" as it's the closest thing to a super power that we as humans have. If you think about it you have the power to create and destroy anything in your life via the power of choice. Have a job you hate? You could change that but most of us don't and and up taking our frustrations out on those around us. Have a bad relationship? Some choice to end it or do the same thing as they did with their shitty jobs. All of these things begin and end with tiny choices.
     I think the more ownership we take of those choices the more empowered we'd begin to feel.
So here I am, at the Party, there's music and people and none of them are familiar to me. I make a choice and I breathe in, I fill my lungs and my eyes widen and I see the ebb and flow of the conversations around me. I look for glances that have drifted my way and I see that all of the eyes are focused elsewhere. So I close my eyes and I take another breath and I hear the roar of the crowd. I can't make out any words but I inhale and then I hear it, laughter. It's a joyous laughter that sounds welcoming and I open my eyes and follow the flow and find myself around the joy. It's here I make a choice and live in the moment.

     My next baby step in this life is to get a rehearsal schedule set and work out a set list for the show next month as well as confirm the contact's date and time. Shouldn't be that tough right? What's your next step Party People, feel free to share if you wish. You never know, maybe some of you are on the same page.

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Love love love?

Evening Party People!
          Love is the word of the day, don't worry I'm sure tomorrow it'll be grease so all you Musical Theater peeps can take it easy for a day.
          It's1:30 in the morning and my mind is racing which is odd because I didn't think it was in that good a shape to jog much less race.So here I am with my sweetie sound asleep via her "rain" app on her phone and I'm amazed that this is my life as it stands. Granted I'm broke right now so that part isn't so amazing but the rest is pretty awesome.
          So where was I? Oh yeah,Love! So what do I love? For that matter what is love? It could either be a battlefield,blind,cruel,unyielding,unrelenting,awesome,deadly, or in some cases war. A lot of harsh words to describe something that's supposed to be so beautiful.I've used those words to describe love on many occasions. To me Love was a kin to a tornado that tore through the trailer park of my soul. I didn't trust love for many reasons, mainly because when I did fall for a gal she usually wasn't interested, that or she was toxic.
          Then it hit me a few years ago around the time my wife and I separated that it hit me, I didn't know what love was, at least not in a relationship setting. Sounds lame huh? I didn't believe it myself for awhile. I mean I bet we all saw the saw movies, listened to the same love songs , and saw the same prince sweep the same damsel in distress and live happily ever after. So how could I not know?
           I think a lot of it might be found in the paradox of art. Art such as movies and song are meant to tell stories and tales of such things and we take them for truth because we can relate to it, or at least want to. As truthful as it might be, it's only a story, it's only real to the one who made it, not to the audience. For a young kid to base his knowledge of love on a ballad of lament and sorry is only asking for trouble.
           "We learn how to lie most effectively so we can bring truth to the stage"- Some stuffy AMDA person.
           Did I find love? I'm not sure, but I know it's not like what I thought love was a few years ago and that's promising. When I say that I'm not just talking about my sweetie but life and people in general and what the hell, I'll throw myself in there as well.
            I'm not sure I can say exactly what love is but I can say this, I've found to get the most out it the reaction is much stronger through action as opposed to words. To listen without judgment is a great trait to have but it actually means something to the world when we use it as opposed to just saying we have it. Saying we have self esteem is one thing, doing something to bring one of our dreams to fruition is another feat entirely. I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.
           How can I put these thoughts into reality as it pertains to me? As for my relationship I do my best to love Jennie moment by moment as opposed to "till the end of time". As for myself? I'm organizing my friends into playing a gig next month at a music festival.
           So many irons in the fire perhaps this was the red hot passion I've heard so much about.

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

My night at the Club

Evening Party People!
      So what's new in your world? That's what I'm always asking so as to remind myself to never stop being amazed with life's details. A great man once said,"Life moves pretty fast, if you're not careful, you could miss it."

      I'm pretty excited these days for a few reasons. Number one (in no particular order) is that Jennie is moving in with me! I'm so excited about this new addition to the household! For what seems to be forever it's only been Oscar and myself. Now Jennie will be here 24/7 and she's bringing her pup Stu. Stu is a small chihuahua/dachshund mix and Oscar is an old grump cat, let the sitcom begin!
      Another reason I'm so excited about this is that it's been a long time since I've really shared my life with someone. I know I've dated many gals in the past few years with varying degrees of closeness but nothing as personal as living with that someone. After my marriage I guess I've been afraid that I would hurt any relationship I had in the same way. Well that fear is just going to have to take a back seat as I've confronted it and now it's time to move that aspect of my life forward! I mean we can't be the sum of our errors forever right? Sooner or later we all have to start being a person again.
      Hey speaking of past relationships, I ran into my ex wife at a club I was filming =s  How's that for awkward?
      It was funny, when I saw her walking into the club I was filled with panic. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. Was she going to see me and walk right out? That would have made thing easier in some ways but I would have felt bad that my mere presences fucked up her evening. Was she coming in with someone she's dating? If so would I do something stupid in response?
      Those were just some of the thoughts that I was able to keep track of as many others were moving so fast, emotions flared to an intensity that I haven't felt in a long time, and in the end I felt numb. I took a deep breath and after a few minutes I walked over and said hi. I complimented her on how she looked and then we chatted for a few more minutes and I went back to filming.
       Over the next hour I tried not to notice her but at the same time I was very curious about her. It was the strangest thing. She seemed happier than I have ever seen her. It made me feel good to see that. Honestly I'm happier than I have ever been in a long time and I don't think I would have ever made it this far if I had stayed married. I always felt a little guilty about that but seeming her laugh and giggle as she danced I knew deep down that she'd found a new happiness in her life just like I did.
        The weird part was watching some dude hit on her in the creepiest way. I'm not sure if she was into him or not but I was certain that it was none of my business. It its weird seeing someone who you were once very close to with someone else. Lucky for me I'm a different person and so is she.
        There was something else I noticed that night. Something that didn't really sit with me all to well, then again this never did. I was outside smoking a cig with a couple of other guys. A few gals who had just shown up were walking into the club. You know what? before I go on let me tell you about this club because it matters to this story.
        Club Fullfilled is the name and if you want to know more about it you can check out the site here at . Club Fullfilled is a BBW club focusing on size acceptance. What is size acceptance? It's about being comfortable in your own skin regardless of how big or small you are. Now I've been heavy most of my life but I never felt desirable till about ten years ago. I know that could be said for a lot of us but when you're a heavy person you never really feel like you're a part of the world. Everything I saw on TV or in the movies were of athletic attractive people, rarely did I ever see someone who was fat. If I did they were usually playing a character who was either a coward or an idiot, if it was a heavy gal she was either a frail emotionally crippled gal or a bossy bitch. This club seeks to do away with all of those preconceptions so as to accept the 'Size" so you can see the "Person".
         At that point one of the guys said there would be after a few more beers. I was pretty disheartened by that statement. If there were ever a place where big people like myself could be safe from dumb shit like that you'd figure this would be the place, I guess not. Let me say this Party People, I've been with quite a few women , some were very attractive and some were not but I would never deny ever being with them because of how they looked or even worse, say I was only with them because I was drunk. My first girlfriend in high school was a little person and I caught some shit from some of my friends for it. I got teased about it and they talked about her as if she wasn't even a person. I almost got into a fight or two about this but in the end they just stopped teasing me about it. In the end maybe they understood that I was dating that gal for me and not for them so they could take there stupid judgment and go fuck themselves with it. Years latter I hooked up with a gal who was a chubby chaser, the sex was good but she'd never introduce me to her friends who did nothing but chase thin pretty boys.
          As much as I'd love to continue hating these people I feel sorry for them. I'm not sure if they'll ever accept that high school is over. There is no more cool clique, no more cool table to sit at during lunch where people could admire your status among the unremarkable crowd. There is only you and your life, the only opinion one should ever care about is that of one's own existence. Does this make me happy? Does this person inspire something good in me be it love lust or just pure intrigue? Would I like me if I were to spend time with this new person?
          This life is short Party People and I think we miss out on so much when we think of what other people think about us. Ego gives a shit about that stuff, not our head and hearts.

           Till next time Party People,
           Keep on a Chooglin!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

some of My Favorite things ...

You ever find something so new, so cool that you can't wait to share it with everyone? I did, as a matter of fact about 80 million other people did too with this video.

It's a cover of a Gotye song which led me to search for the original version which was this


I immediately downloaded the new album and was in heaven. There's nothing like discovering new music, to discover new lyrics,sounds, ways of communicating. Music is one of the special things that really sets humanity apart from all the other life forms on this planet. Next to mental telepathy what other form can translate emotion from one body to another?

The night I downloaded the album Jennie and I went to drive around the city and listen to the whole album. This was great on two levels, the first being the album itself, the other was sharing it with Jennie. One of the fonder memories I have from my youth was listening to whole albums with my brother Drew back in Lucerne or with my friend Clay back at the 12st house. So to be able to do this with her was pretty important to me.

The next day I shared the videos with many of my co-workers at the hotel. Just about everyone was into it as well. I felt good about sharing this new awesome thing with people who would probably never have come across it! I was on a bearer of good news high all day. That was untill later that night when Jennie and I were watching New Girl via Hulu. As it turns out during the episode there were commercials for Glee and guess which one of the songs they'll be singing on an upcoming show?

Fucking young people ><

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

All I ever wanted has come and gone, so what's next?

Evening Party People!

so what can I tell you tonight? Well life is pretty good right now. Most of my goals that I've set for myself have come to pass with various degrees of success and I couldn't be happier. Or could I?

I find myself in a strange place these days, between the veils of contentedness and an unsettling restlessness. Maybe a better way to put it is that I'm hoping that I wont take a sledgehammer to all I've built. OK maybe not so doom and gloom but thats whats on my mind.

I'm excited really, this is the situation I've always wanted to be in. To have finished a bunch of projects with tyhe question,"What do I want to do next?" on my mind. If anything I'd like to start performing again. I havn't done an open mic in a long time, perhaps I should start there? I have two original songs under my belt, whose to say I can't write more?

I think at the root of the next step is to find a way to get back on stage. It's where I feel alive, useful, at the pulse of the planet feeling the flow of life touch all in creation. Yes I know that sounds pretentious but for those of you who have been on stage you know what I mean!

Tonight while my sweetie has been napping in the next room I started work on my next song, perhaps later I'll continue work on the next episode of the sneaker guy. Point is that I have many baby steps in front of me and I can't wait to take that next step!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Fear of Change as it jingles in the ether...

What started as a ripple has grown into waves of cascading crashes against what was one my everyday life. I hear notes that stroll on the outskirts of earshot. I try to listen but I only get pieces of a melody , it's calming, soothing, I know if I could just move a little closer or if it would just venture towards me that the joy of such sweet music would fill my heart. Fill my heart, yes. All music's power loses it's luster over time, in order to breath life into it I must exhale it from out my lungs so others might feel the same way , the way I once did, how I feel now.

My old life is slipping away, along with it all the ideas that I carried that made up who I was as a person. It's change. Something I've always strove for, always ahead of me, just out of reach. As I sit in silence with only my breath to keep my company I see and feel this "change" beside me, smiling, taking pieces of me and tossing them aside, as some court jester throwing away my armor before a battle.

"Don't be afraid .", he says. He leaves me with only what he thinks I will need. I wonder if the holes in my armor will be death of me.

"These injuries are unavoidable on the path to your future, don't think of them as new scars but as a cosmetic surgery, only without the local"

I've waited so long for all this to happen.

"Just breath ." he says "don't be afraid."