Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Some things you can never go back to.

Evening Party People,
       I hope this month finds you well as you read this. As for me I have many things moving in all sorts of directions, some up some down but all in motion.
       It's Wednesday night and so far this week I've done two open mics. That's better than where I was a few months ago but I need to do more. That's not me being down on myself it's just a fact. It's kind of like exercising's exactly like exercising the  more I think about it. If you have a goal of what you want your body to look like and you're about 50 lbs off then working out twice a week isn't going to cut it. The same goes for my stand up....shit I need to work out more too.><
       You ever have a fond memory of a place you've been to? Maybe it's a meadow that you played in as a child, or maybe it's a bar you and your buddies used to hang out at, what about the job you had when you first realized that you were living on your own and for the first time felt a little like an adult? I have these places too, for the most part I fear going back to those specal places because I'm afraid that the magic it once held for me wont be there when I return, and for the most part it wont.
        Those place in space in time only live in our hearts and minds, the same could be said about relationships with people. I met an old friend tonight , someone who was, for a short period of time, a close friend....meaning that we spent a lot of time together due to proximity. During that time of my life I felt there were few people I could relate with and this person was one of them. This friendship was one of those things that held a special place for me. I know this sounds sappy but it's true. When we spoke tonight it was fun and pleasant and by no means a negative experience but there was something that seemed a bit off. I think I have a selfish notion where I want people to stay the same , that way I'll always have those special feeling with me that'll last forever. It's funny, I never thought how ugly that sounded until I wrote it.
         I was bummed about it all for a few minutes then I started thinking of other relationships and friendships that have gone the same route. My ex-wife comes to mind, or my best friend back in high school. Both very important people for that place and time but like any special moment in life they pass into memory, and that's a beautiful thing.
         I'm trying to be a better person and one of the ways I'm doing this is by pulling any fault of mine out into the open. It's not about what I don't have anymore, it's about what I have as well as had. While I'll be sad from time to time about the passing of these people,places and times I'll work at being grateful that I had them at all. Who we are isn't just built by some uncontrollable roll of the genetic dice but by each moment we feel and see. Then once all those building blocks have been set it's up to us to make the most out of what life has given us, a challenge to each of us with varying degrees of difficulty, but in the end , regardless of the struggle, we all reach the same peak.
         I'm happy that I saw my friend tonight, and being happy is good enough.

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!