Wednesday, March 21, 2012

All I ever wanted has come and gone, so what's next?

Evening Party People!

so what can I tell you tonight? Well life is pretty good right now. Most of my goals that I've set for myself have come to pass with various degrees of success and I couldn't be happier. Or could I?

I find myself in a strange place these days, between the veils of contentedness and an unsettling restlessness. Maybe a better way to put it is that I'm hoping that I wont take a sledgehammer to all I've built. OK maybe not so doom and gloom but thats whats on my mind.

I'm excited really, this is the situation I've always wanted to be in. To have finished a bunch of projects with tyhe question,"What do I want to do next?" on my mind. If anything I'd like to start performing again. I havn't done an open mic in a long time, perhaps I should start there? I have two original songs under my belt, whose to say I can't write more?

I think at the root of the next step is to find a way to get back on stage. It's where I feel alive, useful, at the pulse of the planet feeling the flow of life touch all in creation. Yes I know that sounds pretentious but for those of you who have been on stage you know what I mean!

Tonight while my sweetie has been napping in the next room I started work on my next song, perhaps later I'll continue work on the next episode of the sneaker guy. Point is that I have many baby steps in front of me and I can't wait to take that next step!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Fear of Change as it jingles in the ether...

What started as a ripple has grown into waves of cascading crashes against what was one my everyday life. I hear notes that stroll on the outskirts of earshot. I try to listen but I only get pieces of a melody , it's calming, soothing, I know if I could just move a little closer or if it would just venture towards me that the joy of such sweet music would fill my heart. Fill my heart, yes. All music's power loses it's luster over time, in order to breath life into it I must exhale it from out my lungs so others might feel the same way , the way I once did, how I feel now.

My old life is slipping away, along with it all the ideas that I carried that made up who I was as a person. It's change. Something I've always strove for, always ahead of me, just out of reach. As I sit in silence with only my breath to keep my company I see and feel this "change" beside me, smiling, taking pieces of me and tossing them aside, as some court jester throwing away my armor before a battle.

"Don't be afraid .", he says. He leaves me with only what he thinks I will need. I wonder if the holes in my armor will be death of me.

"These injuries are unavoidable on the path to your future, don't think of them as new scars but as a cosmetic surgery, only without the local"

I've waited so long for all this to happen.

"Just breath ." he says "don't be afraid."