Monday, December 26, 2011

The Final Stretch before Stretching and Sketching

Happy Post Holiday Party People!

This is truly he most magical time of the year for me. We've just endured another Holiday season where we look back at all the things we had in previous Christmases and wonder if we'll ever be that happy again towards a true Holiday that is made specifically for adults,New Year's Eve! Before I go further I'm not coming down on X-mas to be a scrooge or a Grinch about the festivities, but you have to admit the Holiday never seems to have the same magic about it when you're an adult as opposed to when you were seven. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't bombarded with a barrage of images and songs that seems to force us to accept the fact that we "Have" to be happy. I think my cousin had the right idea about it all, he took his kids to Magic Mountain to enjoy X-mas while watching his kids scream in terror as they take the 22 story drop on the dreaded Viper rollarcoaster! He got to create memories for his kids that will last them the rest of their lives...some people would call those scars ^^

In all seriousness though I think its great that my cousin did that. When I think back to a Christmas that really meant  a lot to me is was when we were living back in Norwalk Cali and my cousin was living in Montebello and we usually spent 3-5 days a week at each others house. That year my brother Drew was with us and it was all of us together under one roof, just us kids playing,staying up to late, and trying not to get in trouble with our parents. That night after we fell asleep our parents placed our presents under the tree and when we woke up the magic of Christmas was alive and well in the hearts and minds of those four children and more than likely in the souls of the three adults in that house.

Maybe that's what I'm missing in all of this, kids. I try not to think about that too much as when I do I get all weepy. I think that just comes from being in my thirties, thirty six to be precise. I still have time right? I tell myself for a few reasons, one to reassure myself that I don't need to be in any rush to have kids, and two so I don't put a bunch of baby making pressure on my sweetie. Seriously it's only been a few months ,can you imagine?

"Hey I know we barely know each other but what do you think of ki- hey where you going? Come back!"

OK enough about x-mas and babies and such, If I write about it anymore I think I might start a menstrual cycle or some shit.

Back to the holiday for adults, New years eve! This one I can really get behind! It's all about having to look back at the previous year and seeing everything you didn't like then making a plan for the next one. My only regret about this holiday is that I think I should be asking these questions of myself more than just once a year. Then again maybe we all have to be drunk in a crowded room to handle the gravity of that question, so I guess what I'm saying is that I need to start drinking more. wow this blog is going nowhere I wanted it to go this morning lol.

OK I'm just going to end it with this, as much as X-mas has been tough for me over the past few years, and as tough as this one was supposed to be, it was great. I got to have a simple dinner with my Mom,my Sis, and my Sweetie! We all had a great time and laughed our asses off and more importantly to me all of my favorite gals seemed to really like each other. That in itself was the best gift I could have had this year.

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

It can only mean one thing.

Morning Party People!

I made it a point to get up about two hours before I have to be at work in order to do something creative. Think of it like going for a jog or yoga, only it's for my artistic muscle...that sounded weird. Either way I'm up and clicking away at my keyboard for something other than porn and to be honest it feels amazing, the writing not the porn. Now I need to think of something personal and meaningful to share with you this morning, something that might mean as much to you the reader as it did to me the writer.

I noticed I'm going through more toilet paper these days. Could it be because a change in my diet? Have I been eating an abundance of Taco Bell? Or perhaps its for the same reason any guy starts going through more toilet paper than he's used to? That's right Party People I have a new girlfriend!

What can I say she's awesome, smart, funny and above all other wonderful qualities, she's really into me ^^ Now all I have to do is make sure she never gets to know the real me and we'll be together for awhile! Wait that's not right, come to think of it that's my usual MO. Maybe I should dump all of my crap on her and see if she stays? Come to think of it, that rarely works.

" I see your tenderness and affection and I'll raise you my psychosis and angst! I dare you to care bitch!"

I think I've walked in those shoes for long enough and the destination was nowhere near where I ever wanted to be. It led me to many wonderful gals that were in my life yet left me in a place where I was afraid to let any of those gals get close to me. In the end I was in a crowded room feeling completely alone. If I was lucky enough I'd find someone that I would pretend I could be with but lacking the will to ever take the next step.

If I wasn't feeling like Mr.Tragic I was Mr.Hopeless. Mr.Hopeless jumped into a relationship without ever checking the depth of what he just jumped into. Holy shit it's taken me forever to find a middle ground in all of this! Well I've been seeing this gal for a few months now and I'm proud to say that I haven't done any of the usual crap that I've been prone to in the past. In that respect I think I'm using the same pattern as the one in my artistic endeavors. Meaning it's all one baby step at a time.

So whats the next step? The same as it was before this relationship started. I need to book a paying gig for the production company, I need more than anything to make the transition from living off of what I've been doing to what I've always wanted to do. I need to keep moving forward towards a life that I've always wanted. I want to be able to share a life that I'm happy with as opposed to my former relationships where I shared a life I felt no joy in. It'll all happen, one baby step at a time.

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Looking behind The Green Curtain

Today is going to be a great day today. How do I know this? Simple, it's the last day off I have for about a week! So today I intend to get the most out of it by focusing on my work as opposed to playing around in the land of Skyrim.

I had an idea of what I wanted to write about this morning when I sat down but now the idea seems to be slipping away. I guess I'll start with what's been the most difficult thing to deal with lately.

You would think I would be bitching about money and I could but that's not the biggest problem I'm facing . The biggest problem I'm facing is the battle to rewrite how I live my life on a subconscious level. Meaning breaking bad habits and forming new ones. Come to think of it, I already know how to do that and have done that before. I think it's goes a little deeper than that. Remember when you were a kid and you were riding a bike with your friends? I always think of a jump that I was afraid to do but after I did it I knew it was in my realm of possibility or abilities as it were. At some point there would be another jump that would come along that I wasn't able to do and as such a boundary was created. I find myself being angry when I find those boundaries in my own life, especially since I don't remember putting them there.

So what's the next step? I'm not going to spend a perfectly good day off focusing on what I can't do, I already know what I can't do, today is about finding out about what I can do. So I'm going to edit some more, I'm going to write some more music and when I look back on today my boundaries will have shifted. The old me fuggin hates when I do shit like this ^^

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Happy Midnight Filming !!

Before you ask the answer is yes, Midnight Filming Day/Night is a "thing" if by a "Thing" you mean something I just made up. I just spent the last two hours getting shots done for an idea I had a week ago. Truth be told I've been thinking about this for quite sometime. It's an idea I had awhile back, which was to wear my trench coat and fedora out in a neighborhood in the middle of the night.

Ok so is this some legendary idea? No ...well I wish it was but more than likely it's been done many times before and will be done many more in the future. What won't ever happen is my take on this image, that's what makes ideas so special, Many people can have the same idea but they're never exactly alike, there is always some element, some detail that makes it the creator's own. Take recipes for example. You can have 5 chefs make the same dish and each one will have a different taste to it even though they are using the same structure.

So this is my idea that I sent in motion tonight, I've shot a few videos before but this is something different as in much as I was the one supplying the content. This means that I'm putting more of myself out there. Now I know this is probably sounding bigger than it really is but I think this is one of those baby steps that I really don't want to ignore. You see as much as I believe that a lot of the divine inspiration comes from out sub-conscious I think a lot of our habits good and bad come from there too. So any time we take a step against our status quo of life we should stop and celebrate it. Is it ego? Is it pride? It can become that is we're not careful but in the end it's a reward system that tells us that we noticed that we did something good.

Think of it this way, you ever have an A-hole boss that only talks to you when they're pissed? More than likely we won't ever give that guy 100% and why would we? It's not like he'd notice right? Well if you're fortunate to have a boss like I've had that tells you when you do a good job as well as when you make a mistake you'd find that you'd break your back for him. We're the boss of our own lives in this respect and the sub-conscious is the worker we need to motivate. I guess all that time managing is starting to pay off ^^

So the footage should be imported in an hour or so, after that I have some voice over work to do as well as some music to put with it...and of course the editing =) With any luck I can have a video to show you guys in a day or so.

Till then Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Art of the Artless

You'll have to excuse me for today's title, sometimes I can think of something witty, other days it's all I can do to just think.

So how about some good news first eh? I start my orientation at the new job tomorrow! I'm really excited to work there, truth be told I always used to wonder what it would be like to work at that resort as I drove past it year after year. On top of that I might have a job at a super swanky place up in Sco-Town!

Ok so at this point in time I'm not living the life of a producer/artist but even still I'm miles ahead from where I started this whole change. I still have a few films under my belt and I have some open mic nights to look back apon (and there will be more I can promise you that). So where'd I end up after Host? I left a job that allowed me to pay my bills for a job that might have been able to cover my basic bills but in the end it didn't.

So here's me, rent is past due and I probably have a week or two before I start losing things like my phone and internet and what have you. I'm in a bad spot right? Holy shit, time to panic right? Perhaps at one time that's what I would've done but after going through so much shit I find that your mind will either say,"Fuck it, just give up." Or it says," I've been through worse, wake me when it's something I can't handle." Needless to say my mind chose the latter. Funny how I left a job I no longer enjoyed to a job that didn't seem to like me to two jobs that I hope will invite me in for coffee.

Hey did you guys see that movie "The Fighter"? I watched it for what was supposed to be only a few minutes but after two minutes I was glued for the duration.Christian Bale did an amazing job with his role. The relationship between his character and his brother really hit a chord with me. Funny how a movie can remind you of the best and worst parts or a relationship. It made me want to fly up to Montana and give my brother a hug. Now keep in mind that movie wasn't a direct comparison to my brother and I's relationship, it just had a lot of similarities.

I would have called him but when the movie was done it was like 4:45 am or something like that. Insteadf I picked up my guitar and started working on my new song, I figured it was the closest thing I could do to giving my brother a hug. Drew and I never were boxers like in the movie, didn't need boxing, we had music. The two of us sitting downstairs in the basement in Lucerne listening to album after album. When we had a new song to listen to or a new album we made sure we knew it backwards and forewards. It was down in that basement where I learned to appreciate music. That's where I knew deep down I wanted to be a musician too, just like my brother.

Over the years we have had our ups and downs. There were a lot of times we were there for each other, there some time that we weren't. In the end the only thing that really maters is that we love each other, even when "we" get in the way of that. You know as many problems as we both have I feel so silly for being so pissed at him for not taking his music further. It was important for me at that time to stay pissed at him for not moving forward, it kept my mind off of dealing with the fact that I didn't move at all.

These days we both are making strides in moving forward, well some days are strides, the others just steps. That's how it goes right? We can't live life in a catchy hook and chorus, it's verse chorus verse, ups and downs, just like every song I heard in the basement.

Not sure what else I can say tonight, so I'll just say good night.

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Weirdest thing just happened.

Morning Party People,

Ok this isn't some monumental thing that's altered the fabric of realty or anything but hey, I need to keep writing and not all of my observations are going to be the Theory of Relativity =P

I woke up this morning and finished watching Death Becomes Her, if you've never seen it before it's like a zombie film for chicks in the 80's. Afterwards I turned on Modern Warfare and started blasting fools like it was indeed no thang. after one match of playing a wave of boredom ran over me in which I ooked at my cat and said,"This sucks, I think I want to do something else."

The only thing that seemed like a good idea was to brew a pot of coffee and sit right here and write to you guys. Like I said this isn't some monumentous thing , just know that in my mind this is as much fun as playing Modern Warfare.

Oh hey my LLC is almost official! Awesome huh? My sweetie Jennie did something very special for me. This was so touching that it's still settling in for me. She went to Denver this past week to visit her family and in her trip she went to the Denver Art Mueseum. I'm not sure if she got this in the giftshop or not but she got me a card holder for my business! That wasn't the half of it, when she got back she had it engraved with the company name as well as mine on it! How awesome is that ?

I find as the years go on presents while fewer and farther between become more and more special. You know how they say it's the thought that counts? I think this is what they mean. Speaking of awesome thoughtfull things. On the 18th of this month my cousin and his sweetie are throwing their holliday party, last year they were nice enough to throw my Birthday into the celebration just like they offered to do this year! I'm looking forward to it a great deal, I want to bake something awesome for them, so I have two weeks to figure something out, any suggestions?

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Not a lot to say yet so much to do!

Well I knew I was going to have to face this sooner or later. Money is tight these days and it looks like my plans haven't worked out the way I'd hoped for. I could lose my apartment, my camera, my monitors, and who knows what else.

So do I admitt that I made a mistake by leaving the airport? Did I fail? In my heart the only way I can trully fail is if I give up on the company. I'm the owner as well as the employee and as the employee I really hope my boss will stick it out. I've had many impossible situations come up in many of my units at the airport and one thing held constant: I always did what I had to do to make the shift work. I did it then and I intend to do it now.

My currant job isn't offering the money that I need to live on, so I went looking for another gig and I found two. So with any luck I'll be starting two new jobs this month, one for mornings, the other for nights. It'll be exausting but if this is the grunt work I need to do for now then so be it, I'll find a way.

It makes sense though, in management some days you walk through the units delegating but rarely doing any actual labor, other days you're scrubbing toilets and washing dishes, I'm chalking this current situation up to one of those labor intensive days.

Last night as I laid in bed I thought about all the stuff I should have been thinking about on  thanksgiving, what am thankful for? I'm thankful for all of my friends, I'm thankful for every relationship I've ever had, even more so for the friendships that grew out of them. I'm thankful for my bed, it's much more comfortable than my last one which gave me a bunch of back pain on a nightly basis. I'm even thankful for the old bed because it was a gift from one of my best friends who didn't want me to sleep on my recliner (the only thing I had to sleep on at the time). I'm thankful for the gal I'm seeing now, she's sweet and wonderful and I enjoy every moment I spend with her. I'm also thankful that I haven't jumped headfirst into this relationship, it feels weird to me to take things slow, or slower than I usually do in these matters. Is this that growing up thing I've heard so much about?

Well I need to hop in the shower and get scrubbin if I'm going to make it to work on time.  Hope you all have a great day, if you get a chance try and take a look at all the baby steps you have taken over the past year, I find it's the best way to find true thanks for what we have.

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a chooglin!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Whoa....Joey Lawrence Whoa!!!

Ever have one of those dreams that freak you the hell out? I just did. Morning Party People.

I'm writing to you about 5 minutes after I just woke up today. The reason for this is that I'm trying to see what comes out of my skull before my mind fully wakes up. Think of it as an extension of the time between dreaming and waking...and in some cases baking.

So the weird part was that in this dream there were three people in some room and we were trying to communicate with God. I put my hand on some piller which material seemed to change when I touched it, like it was tuning. Vibrations filled the pillar which reverbirated into music that only I could hear. It was a message of assurance of love and telling me to perciviere, that a chior sings by the rising tide and their song will be my armour. That and I was a silver which makes no sense to me...ok less sense.

As weird dreams go this one was pretty comforting. I mean if you ever dream about getting a message from God you'd hope it would be a positive and encouraging one. Imagie if the message you got was the same as if God was a drepressed 24 years old pot head talking to you while paying Modern Warefare and is getting smoked 4-18.

You : Hey God, sorry to bug you, just wanted to ask-"

God : What? hold on dude I'm getting my ass handed to me, fucking lag man.

You : That sucks man, I just was wondering about this new direction I'm taking.

God : Whatever dude, I mean people try right? What's the point though, only the lucky ones ever make it.

You : To be honest God I was thinking about making my own luck.

God : Like I said bro, people have tried....FUCKING CAMPERS!!!

Just in case you don't get the camper joke I suggest you try playing Modern Warefare online and then you'll know why the joke is really funny.

Whats nice about all of this is that dreams like these are not only a great sign for the future but also for my present as well. The last time I started having dreams like these was when I started The Artist Way which is a book about artistic recovery. One of the projects was called The Morning Papers which is when you write about three pages of random thoughts down every morning when you wake up. One of the effects of doing that project was that it seemed to open up sections of the mind  that are more receptive to (what I believe is ) divine inspiration, thus dream become more and more vivid.

Well I have two interviews today, one will be for a morning serving position or a line cook position at a resort, the other will be for an upscale restaurant in the Fashion Square in Scottsdale. Part of me is thinking of taking both for right now just to build up some extra cash. At least until my tax return comes in next year. I've learned to live modestly over the past few years, hell I stretched my last check from Host for like a month and a half. I could go on and on about all of this but when it comes down to it, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Last night my cousin got me in on a gig for the Phoenix Comicon filming the Q n A's and such. Aside from being a great opportunity this should be a metric fuck ton of fun! However, between now and then lies a shit ton of meetings and a whole lot of planning, all of which I'm looking forward to with a great deal of vigor and zeal...I could have just said zeal but for some reason I wanted to you to know that I'll be awake for all of this....that or the coffee I'm drinking is just now kicking in =s

Tell next time Party People!
Keep on a Chooglin!