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Tuesday, June 15, 2021
Friday, May 7, 2021
Morning Party People,
As I write this is's around 10 am on a Friday morning . Two nights ago I deleted all the games on my PS4 as well as my computer. I feel the need to spend more time with my mind and thoughts instead of focusing them on things other than themselves. At this point in my life I'm also thinking more about my diet as well as my mental health.
A few days ago my friend Bear told me that he can sense the misery radiating off of me. Like my anger enters the room before I do. The moment the words hit my ears I could feel my eyes start to tear up. In the past that's always been a sign that truth is radiating in me. I had to take a moment to force myself not to be defensive about it, even more proof that he had. apoint. I don't know why crying was one of my first instincts , it was a throwback to my 20's, back then I had constructed a world in my mind thinking that no one cared about me. That was a fallacy of course but I was nuts back then and for some reason that was easier to believe in than a world where people did care about me. I think that lie was easier to believe than the truth that I didn't care about me.
So then the work was clear,"Why are you so miserable Dave?"
I started to make a list of the focal points of my life and if they were making me happy or not.
- Jennie? Happy
- Comedy? Happy but could be better.
- Health? Not Happy,
- Day Job? Really not happy.
- Family? Not as close as I should be, but happy.
- Personal Growth and creativity? Neglected so not happy, however it's not making me sad.
So from that list the one that sticks out is the day job. This week I took steps to improve that situation. If my plan works out, I wont see results for a month but even that has lifted a weight off my shoulders. The next was health, my weight being the biggest part of it.
A few years back when I was working at Old Chicago, I got down to 285. I know that's a lot but I have been over 300 lbs for quite some time, so 285 was a big achievement for me. Then when I started working in an office, I had gained 75 lbs. The weird thing was for a big chunk of that time I was going to the gym every other day. I felt helpless, like I had a disease that is going to keep me fat no matter what I do. I know there are a lot of body positivity people out there who think there is nothing wrong with being fat but I'm not one of those people. To me it's not living up to my potential, it's neglecting a responsibility.
This week Ethan Suplee was on The JRE podcast and spoke about his weightloss journey. One of the many things he said that resonated with me was Ethan having to ask himself why he chose to make choices that were so unhealthy for him? So I asked myself, why do I choose to eat in a way that will hurt me in the long run? Don't get me wrong, when I eat candy or anything sweet, I'm not thinking,"Fuck you Dave, eat this ice cream!" So there must be something else going on.
There are a few parts to this, but if I was going to do reduce the whole issue into one word, it would be "Control".
I'm afraid my anger will be let loose and I'll hurt people. If you're fat and out of shape, you won't be able to hurt anyone.
People tell me I'm too fat growing up, I can't confront them . What I can do is say no by not doing what they tell me do and gain weight. I know fat shaming can motivate some people but in my case it had the opposite effect.
When I started the catering position/office job. I felt that nothing I ever did was good enough and I was always being critiqued on everything I did. My weight was never an issue but I think seeing as it was something I did have control of, I choose to eat like shit.
In many of those cases, my inability at the time to confront the issue at hand made me regress to my childhood tactic of using the one form of control I had in my life, which was what food I ate. It was like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. So as these feeling reveal themselves from my subconscious to the. conscious, let us see how I can use them to better myself.
Till next time Party People, Keep on a Chooglin'
Friday, February 12, 2021
Hello Party People,
So I've been upset over the past few days over the whole Gina Carano situation. I've been fighting the urge to take to social media and voice my opinion but then I thought, why don't I just go outside and start swinging punches into the void as I throw kicks into the night. All those options are futile and comical to say the least.
I've seen many people on my timeline cheer for Disney not moving forward with the Cara Dune character. I've also seen it worded differently. An example would be that "Disney will not move forward with any project with Gina Carano" which has one effect. The other would be a kin too ,"Disney fires Gina Carano for abhorrent social media tweets." which gets a much different reaction. So who do I believe?
I went on her twitter page and scrolled for a few minutes and couldn't find anything offensive. Then I read that the tweets in question were removed. I did see one post where (to me) she was talking about a society that was turned on each other and as a result many people were killed. She used the treatment of the Jewish people in Germany to which some people took even more offense to that. I'm sure that there are other examples that people have but I have to admit, there's something underneath all of this that is really troubling me.
Before I go forward, I must tell you that as of this writing, I'm still not sure what's pissing me off so much. Here's what I do know.
- There seemed to be a concerted effort to attack Gina Carrano from a month or so back. Another faceless internet mob going after a celebrity. I can go either way on this one, let's be honest, there a shit ton of famous people who get talked into "Using their voice" by people who no one would ever want to listen to. Sometimes it a great thing to behold, most of the time it isn't.
- Disney seems to be able to dictate an actors behavior and expression even when they're not working. This is a huge grey area, inside of an enigma, that's perched on a slippery slope. I remember a company in Arizona who refused to hire anyone who smoked cigarettes. From what I remember, this wasn't just for people who were working on the clock, but it applied to their employees when they weren't at work. There was a big debate on the company policy but the general question was ,"Does the company you work for have control over what you do in your free time?" I think the big difference between Disney and any other company is that Disney has the element of publicity to deal with. Even so, I would be conflicted if someone offered me fame and money but I have to stop being who I am. For the record, anyone who would walk away from a dream job to keep their integrity has heart to say the least.
- There are a bunch of fake ass artists on my page that will cheer for someones demise over their beliefs. It's their right to express themselves for sure, I just wish they'd stop pretending to be an artist. When other people think of artist stereotype, it's one of a weak willed, emotionally fragile person that needs someone to take care of them because they're too sensitive to handle the real world....maybe that's just my view of most artists, maybe that's my fear of what I might become? The point is, a true artist has the conviction to stand for what they believe in, no matter how batshit crazy it might be. There were too many of my fellow artists on my feed who were cheering on this whole event, to which I just unfriended. I wish them the best but the main reason I stay in contact with so many artists on my Facebook page was to hopefully work with them further on down the road. Well I don't want to to work with them anymore. Integrity means a lot to me.
- There is a level of hypocrisy that I'm not sure people are seeing (or maybe I'm reading too much into it). You know if you want want strong women with conviction in this world, there's a chance they're not going to think the way you want them to think, right? On one hand there are a bunch of people who were really all,"Yaas Queen" over the Cara Dune character, while at the same time there were people wanting Gina Carano to shut up and keep her thoughts to herself. I know they're not the same thing but you have to admit, the whole situation is odd.
In the end, I'm caught up in a whirlwind of emotion to which nothing good could come of. I know a woman like Gina Carano doesn't need a guy to stand up and defend her. I know the character of Cara Dune reminded me a lot of the strong women I grew up around and learned from. I know that I'm bummed that there wont be any more stories with her in it.
At the end of the day, there were two great seasons of The Mandalorian, which were two more than I really expected there to be. The good times I had watching that show with my wife can never be taken away and for that, I'm grateful.
Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!
Friday, January 22, 2021
Evening Party People,
I'm finally putting my creative money where my metaphysical mouth is.... or something like that. I wanted to let you all know that the first Episode of Mansplaining with Jacob and Dave is officially out in the internet!
We broadcast it live on Twitch every Thursday at 9 (the Seinfeld slot sun!). You can follow my channel at twitch.tv/disjointeddave and get notifications when we go live.
Or you can watch clips of our show on You Tube
Lastly, you can download the audio podcast on Spreaker, Spotify, and hopefully iTunes and Stitcher in the future.
It's taken me a long time to get the courage to create something like this show, a show that once you get past the bombast and spectacle of manliness, caries a message that we hope young men will listen to. Thanks for sticking with me this far.
Till Next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin'