Monday, March 21, 2016

The One Thing I don't Want to Do

Morning Party People!
             It's Monday , it's 9:30, I have my coffee, it's time to write!
             First off I'd like to say sorry for not writing to you all more often. Discipline is something that I need to work on, if only I were more disciplined to do it. All lame jokes aside this month has been pretty scary.
             At the beginning of the year I made a goal to move from an open mic comic to a showcase comic. Since January I've gotten myself booked on a few shows, done a few competitions and now I'm even producing a show of my own. So if anything I took a few baby steps this year, a few more than I thought I would have anyways.
            So what about any of this is scary? It's not like I'm afraid of success the same way I'm afraid of getting hit by a car every day right? It's not the success I fear, it's who I'll be when I get there.
            I'm a very egotistical person. It's not something I'm proud of and I hate admitting it but I am. I'm also very competitive, that's something I try very hard NOT to be, because it brings out the worst in me. So is this a necessary evil , an obstacle I can't ignore anymore, or both?
            Like with most things that run through my skull , it's never just one thing. For example I remember growing up in Lucerne , I found out that the smart kids didn't have a lot of friends. I found this out around the time I was in Junior High. So in order to make friends I dumbed down . I wanted to fit in, I didn't want to be alone, a normal reaction in order to adapt to an environment. It worked, I had friends in Junior high and when I went to High School in another town I was lucky to make friends where I didn't have to pretend I wasn't smart. The sad thing is, if you tell a human being something for long enough,eventually they believe it. Since those days I've been trying to figure out the line is, the one where I've been pretending to be something else or the one where the real me actually is.
            I love the Denver Comedy Scene, there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be to work on my stand-up. I love the Denver Comics, I've made some really good friends and have met so many awesome people. Truth be told I want to outshine every single last one of them. Every show that's in town I want to outdraw them. I want success and I don't want anyone to get in my way. This is the part of me I don't like. I'm afraid I'm going to say or do something that will hurt my friends. I know I'm capable of this because I've done it once before.
            My senior year in High school I brushed off my closest friends to I could focus on my AMDA audition. I really hurt my best friends at the time. To this day I'm sorry I hurt them but I'm not sorry for what  did. AMDA was life or death for me and I know I made the right decision but holy smokes do I wish I found another way to do it.
            So maybe that's my answer? I'll be careful and calm moving forward but with the knowledge that I'll make mistakes. I've done it before and have grown as a person every time since then. Hell, what was the point of being a boss for so many years if I'm not going to use the lessons I learned?
            Ok enough random thoughts, I have a bunch of baby steps to make today, jokes to write, flyers to post, I'm also pretty sure I need to take the trash out as well. Far all the troubles that may come my way I know that I'm a better person now that when I started this blog, I thank you all for being there along the way.

Till Next Time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!