Friday, December 28, 2012

Late night Musing, thoughts and hearts Fusing

Evening  Party People!
             Once again I'm writing from the skull that resides in the Dave Cave circa 2000 and now. Hey does anyone have something profound to say? Some thought or idea that's going to forever launch us into the essence of History? Perhaps make a wave so great that even another Ice Age wouldn't dare touch your immortality! It would be much like who ever made the Pyramids only with a much better slide show So anyone? Nope? Me neither.
              It's depressing isn't it? To not have the great idea? To not be "The One". It's something that all of us in our thirties have to some to realize. How did you deal with it? Did you have a family? A career that you wanted? A loving soul that loves you more than you could have ever imagined? I hope all of you have at least one of these, if anything all of us deserves a little happiness. If you had asked me a few years ago I would have said I had none of these things. That's why that desire to do something great always plagued me. I used to feel that it's the weak people in this world who have it easy, in the respect that they are truly powerless to change their lives. People who have a bit of resolve have no excuse, if our lives suck ass deep down we know it only does so because we let it.
              Like I said if you had asked me a few years a days I have most of those three things I had just mentioned. The thing is the closer that I get to what I want the truth becomes clearer and clearer," I need to step up and be the person who I wished I had known."
              Holy shit does that sound egotistical! Man I didn't think I could come across that douche-like in a blog but there you go. I wonder what I mean by that? I have an idea but it's a little foggy right now. Ok How about I start by describing the person who I'd always wanted to know.
              I always wanted to know someone who's encouragement I trusted. You see this is how I dismiss all the warm wishes that had been thrown my way over the years. It basically comes down to anyone who wasn't already in show business that wished me well I completely took for granted. Horrible to write I know, even worse to realize, trust me on that. You see I'd always wanted that buddy who was already a hit who knew what it took to make it tell me that I had what it took. You see that way I could take those in my life who love me for granted while at the same time completely undermining the need to believe in myself! Tada!
              I'm not writing this for sympathy, the point of this blog tonight was more of a proclamation. I'm going to be the friend that I always wanted to have. Nothing against my friends past or current. This has to do with pushing myself in a specific direction on a path to self improvement. I feel like I have a vault full of everything I've always wanted in life, meaning a vault of wants. Well it's time I turn those around and give those things I desired away to other artists out there in the net or ether.
              It might take some doing but I think I'm going to keep working on The Haven idea. I've seen t work before , I just need to figure how to give it life here o the net.
              Time for another baby step!
Till Next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

I got two things to say: Jack and Shit

OK so this morning I don't have so much to talk about Party People.
              So why the hell am I writing this? It's simple really, these blogs have become part of my morning wake up routine, or workout if you will. After I finish writing this I'll eat some breakfast then go for a walk. I used to take long walks everyday for a short period of time but then the summer hit. I know that's a cop out but holy moley does it suck trying to take an introspective stroll at 8 am when it's already 100+ degrees outside.
               Well it's a bit cooler out this time of the year so gone are any excuses to not get out there and walk off some of this tubby ass that I've been building up.
               I feel like shit because I keep missing ....I keep choosing not to go to any open mics for the past few weeks. It sucks, I hate myself more and more every week because I know that as crappy as they are there is no way I'm going to get better if I don't go. So what's the fucking hold up? I know I can be funny , I know I'll get a few laughs every time I go up, I know I get better every time I work out a joke, so what's the hold up?
               Well seeing as the whiskey that I put in my morning coffee is starting to kick in so shall my honesty. I've been trying to shed all the things about my past that I never liked. Now I know I can't shake the past itself, all I can do is work on the habits that have seem to come out of it. I rarely smoke anymore, that's a big thing, I eat healthier these days, that's another big thing. Yet some how my cowardice from the 90's still haunts me. My fear of not being any good.
               "But Dave, an actor who is afraid of failure? Please go on."
               I know it's true, they do exist  and yes its a self serving egotistical fear that's annoying if anything else. I won't go any further into any details for this because when it comes down to it, none of it matters. There's nothing to it but to do it.
               So how the fuck do we do this?
               I do have an idea! The Artist's Haven! What the Artist Haven is or was, was a group of artists who would get together to work on various projects in the same workspace. What this did was give a sense of camaraderie to a bunch of people who usually work in solitude. I found that it freed up a lot of creative energy and we always got a lot of good things out of each meeting.
               I totally could use another Haven but it might not be feasible for a bit, so what do we do until then? Well I was thinking of a Google Hangout. It's a video conference tool where we could all chat and even video chat. I'm curious to see if any of you out there in www world would be down for a hangout where we kind of only talk for a few minutes before we start our own projects the 50 minutes later we chat for a few more before getting back to work. Hit me up here if you're interested!

Till Next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Memes Don't Piss Off People, People Do!

Morning Party People,
             I'd like to talk to you about a touchy subject today, I want to talk about memes. For those who might not know what those are it's a picture with a funny tagline attached to it. An Example would be a kitten doing something adorable with the caption reading something to the effect of Ron Paul 2012.
             Over the past few days I've seen an emergence of angry memes flooding the net concerning everything to....well no, they've all been about guns. Pro/Con it doesn't matter, all of FB has been taken over about the gun debate. Now I know debates tend to get ugly seeing as most people forget that there's a middle ground to most arguments.
             I think what is upsetting me about all of this is that we just finished an election cycle and for a few weeks we had a peaceful meme climate on the net. It was nothing but cats and more cats doing funny shit. Now we have gone from sympathy memes to anger memes, to Jesus Memes and now to the fuck you for not loving Jesus and Guns Memes.
             "So what? You saying I can't use my right to free speech commie?"
            Nope, I'm saying this :You're not using your free speech, you're using your "like"-"Share" buttons. The guy who made the meme is using his free speech, you're just riding on someones intellectual coattails. You want to be a real American? You want to use your freedom? Might I suggest writing a blog like this one (only better).
            "Hey what if no one reads it?"
            I can't promise people will, but I can tell you there's a strong sense of accomplishment that goes with finishing every blog post. Kind of like that feeling you used to get when finishing your homework back in high school.
            "Can I put pics of kittens on it?"
            Yes if you must.
            "Can it be of a kitten and a gun?"
            Yes, because that pic is adorable!
           It's just an idea guys but I think we move into dangerous territory as a nation when we try to make our philosophy into a slogan. Your way of thinking is much deeper than that, so are your thoughts and ideas, so why should are disagreements be any different? I say write them out and post them and see what happens. Your argument might not hold water but if you gain some enlightenment through the process I'd call that a win, wouldn't you?

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Be Honest, it kinda feels like New Year's Day huh?

Morning Party People!
           It was the end of the world last night and I felt fine! Ha! Just in case you didn't read that line enough on FB yesterday, there it is. Last night there were a bunch of end of the world parties and I can say I missed everyone of them! Why? Well Jennie and I had a prior commimtment to a birthday dinner and afterwards we were kind of lame and tired so we went home, complained about young kids on Mill Ave then went to bed.
           Exciting huh? Not really but enjoyable none the less. One great thing that came out of yesterday is a list of things to do when I wake up in the morning. It's come to my attentions that I don't pay enough attention to how I'm using my time. To remedy this I made a list with the aid of my beloved Jennie. So far as of today I'm on track with it al. I've washed my face, brushed my teeth, made my coffee, done my stretching, and now I'm writing my blog. The writing part I'm excited about as it's like working out for my skull. I find my writing has a lot in common with the laws of physics as an object (or imagination) that is in motion tends to stay in motion.
          The other day I took my laptop to the yard and managed to finish two rough drafts for some sketches as well as a new scene for a radio drama that I have been putting off forever now. As happy as I am about that I also feel a little guilty as perhaps I could have found that time to work on stuff ha I looked a bit harder. Not much I can do about it now other that to keep using the time I've found, right?

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Writer's block or Creativly Constipated?

Morning Party People,
               It's 3 am and I'm wide awake. A fine time to et some writing done right? It should be yet here I am having been staring at a monitor for about an hour now. I hate this feeling, it's when I let a story go for too long and I don't know how to pick it up again. It's kind of like playing an RPG for months, then leaving it along for  awhile and when you get back to it you feel the need to start over because you don't remember where you were in the story.
               I think I need to start from the beginning, to look at one of my stories and find what I loved about it so long ago, perhaps I can find that vibe again. If you've never written a story before I highly recommend it. There's a special feeling of creating a world for you creation. A world where they fit in as much as you want them to, a world where they can overcome whatever obstacles you lay before them, even better is that when a tragedy befalls them it'll have meaning...because you've made it so it would. You know it just hit me, I need more practice at this.
              I've been playing the guitar for awhile now and I can say that it makes more sense to me now than it ever has, just picking up a guitar I know what kind of music I can get out of it and what I can create. Well I've spent more time with my guitar than I have with my keyboard and at this moment in time it totally shows. That's ok. It took me awhile to get where I am in music, I know I can go farther in that as well as writing.
             In closing this blog post is for my frustration of not being as awesome as I want to be. It's ok man, you're working on it and progress is key right now. If anything progress far outweighs potential. Always remember that, hey haven't you written more in the past few weeks than you have in the past year? Why yes you have Mr. I onlylookatwhatIhaven'tdone! Ok back to the drawing board!

Till next time Party People
Keep on a chooglin!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Bang Bang Shoot Shoot, now don't we all feel better?

Afternoon Party People!
             There has been a lot of talk on the internets about the failure of humanities in Connecticut as well as Oregon. I'd like to start out by telling you in advance that this blog isn't about anti-gun rights or NRA but rather a pro-America blog.
             What do I mean by that? Well I've always thought an ideal way of moving our society forward is to promote responsibility (Gun,drug,sex education) as opposed to taking away our choices (Laws forbidding Guns,sex,and drugs). Does that mean there should be no laws on these things? HELL NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!!!
             Well if you don't feel one way then you must feel another right? Right! Especially if you're an addict as that type of thinking coincides with the thinking of most if not all drug addicts and alcoholics. I know this as I have been in recovery (if not recovered) for quite sometime now. Black and White thinking is what they call it. Why do most addicts think this way? I think because we search for the easiest answer that doesn't involve any introspection whatsoever. That way our "Ego" can go on calling the shots while we live on thinking we're in control of anything.
             Let's try and confront this issue without renewing the cycle shall we? I'm going to through out some thoughts but I assert you that I don't have any easy answers on how to deal with all of this (I leave that up to us my friends).
        First thought:
            - as much as I would love for this to be so, I don't think taking away guns is going to prevent shit like this from happening. I know you would never want to murder a bunch of kids or innocent people in a mall but IF you did and you were going to do it no matter what, would not having a gun stop you? More than likely not, next time I bet it'll be a pipe bomb or some type of toxic gas. Yes guns make a massacre like this possible, had they'd not been there I think it might have been a different type of massacre....or maybe it wouldn't , I don't know.
            - as much as I think it would be great if it did, I don't think teaching about Christianity in schools would stop a bullet. I don't think the answer is in bringing back Divinity studies in public education. Keep in mind that bad people go to church as well. I do however think you have a good idea. My knee jerk reaction to seeing the FB posts on how God isn't in schools is part of the problem was to see is as ,"If you'd believe like I do then this world wouldn't be so fucked up". Now is that what people meant? Probably not but that's how I reacted to it. Then I thought, hey maybe they meant that if people were close to each other and cared about their neighbors like the way "we" do in our church then maybe the world would be so gosh darn gee willikers fucked up. I don't think they're wrong about that.

             Maybe if we cared a little bit more about our communities , our neighbors, our own street for that matter we might make a world that's far less hospitable for monsters. I can't control the world and save those poor victims, I wish I could, just like you all must feel. I have to accept that there are limited actions I can take that could fix any of this. Granted we have our elected representatives and such but what about the world that greets us when we open our front door?
             I think those cowards were trying to take two things from us. On one end they took the life from those we miss dearly, on the other they wish to take away the beauty we see in this world. They wish to take our liberty, our freedom, our joy of seeing our kids play on the street without worry of something bad happening to them. They want us to be isolated, alone, and worst of all for any American to be, they want us to be scared and scarred clinging to our hate filled righteousness. Well I say no! I refuse to accept the world is as hopeless as they saw it!
             I say I'm going to take another step outside and get to know my neighbors, I'm going to be connected to this world instead of isolated (another addict habit). I'd be open to any suggestions Party People.

Till next time,
Keep on a Chooglin!

Monday, December 17, 2012

I can't wait for the next year to start! or Apoclypse Schmocolypse

Morning Party People!

              It's 5 am and here I am with a loaded cup of cheap ass coffee ready to pull the trigger right into my dome. Click click and gulp as the coffee goes down into my tummy , I feel my veins shake with the chemical reaction. My heart makes an atempt to raise it's rate, much like how a 57 chevy impala tries to start on a cold morning, once, twice, and here we go!
              I can't wait till next year starts, It's not so much as needing a new start, just a completion to this year. Most of you know I hit the reset button on my life a year ago, going from a secure salary to living off my creativity. I thought all I would need was a part time job to keep things going, I thought it might be a little tough but possible. I'm glad I took that leap of faith because had I known how depressing this year was going to be financially I might have chickened out.
              So was it a mistake? Did I make any money at all? Did I fail?
             Depends on what kind of person I want to be. Am I a glass half full or empty kind of guy? Did I make enough to live off of? Nope. Did I make any money at all? Yes I did! I made a few grand this year with DisJointed and I plan on doubling that for next year.
             I forget how life works sometimes. It took me awhile to make the money I did in the restaurant biz, why I thought I would be making the same income right off the bat with my company is beyond me! Funny how ego can set us up to fail, to give up, to go crawling back. Am I upset that I only made a little over 2k this year?
            Hell no I'm not! The fact that I took nothing , literally nothing but a moment in time and space, recorded it then edited it with my cousin then sold it is nothing short of a miracle! Next year I plan on feeling more of the same way once that project was finished!
            What's also onthe docket for next year?
            - getting paid for stand up
            - Producing a vaudeville show and being able to pay the performers
            - four quinceanerras
            - Booking a professional gig
            - finishing the recording for the remaining episodes for Frankie's Story
            - Writing a screenplay for the above mentioned story =P
            - more "Sneaker Guy!"

           As you can see I have a lot to do next year, as I'm sure we all do. It's all progress Party People, baby step by baby step we're getting closer to a life that we always dreamed about and I can't wait till we all get there.

           Till next time Party People,
           Keep on a chooglin!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

"In a row?" or "I'm Firty seven, I'm not old"

Morning Party People!
              So today is the day, yes Dec 9th is here and I'm another year older. Thirty seven indeed sir!
              Last night Jennie and I went out and had dinner at a place called Switch in Central Pho-town, a place where most of the staff had done just that! It was posh, classy, much to classy for a guy like me these days but the let us in regardless, so props to them! Holy shit does anyone say props anymore? Even my blog is sounding like old man ><
              The food was tasy so were the drinks, I can't remember what I had for my beverage but I can tell you it was tasty and strong, like most of the staff now that I think about, I'm telling you this place had it going on =)
              Were joined by Nick and Andy. Nick is Jennie's older brother and Andy is his main squeeze. It's always fun hanging with those two. Nick is a super cool dude and Andy is one of the sassiest gals I've ever met. We spent the evening talking about Nick's new dojo which will be opening next year for those of you who wish to expand your knowledge of yourself and learn the art of Wing Chung. Then we talked about some of the local theater and burlesque troupes and how we wish we could be part of them. All in all it was one of my favorite types of evening, hanging out in downtown drinking coffee at some hipster cafe and talking about art and the future! So for that I say thanks you guys because you made me very happy ^^
               Oh and before I forget, while we were at dinner Jennie slipped away to tell the server it was my birthday, when they brought me my birthday dessert I was filled with such joy! Seriously, no one has done that for me in years and for once in a long long time I felt like all those other people I used to see walking around own in their perfect little relationships. It felt good, it's something tha I want to hold on to for as long as I can.
               So that was last night, this is today! So what's next? Well on my wish list is to finish a "Coming out sketch" for the troupe. I'd like to work on Frankie's Story or at least the screenplay for it, perhaps I'll polish the turd known as my 5 minutes for next weeks comedy open mic night. I think a few more passes at some of the jokes I've been working on and I'll be ready to start working on a ten minute set! I'm really excited about all of the stand up. If anything I really missed being up on a stage, it's one of the few place that really feels like home for me. Some of you out there had been there with me at AMDA. AMDA stands for the American Musical and Dramatic Acadamy for those of you who aren't aware. It's so funny because back then I hated going up on stage mainly because I was usually unprepared, like some of my friends who were in class with me. These days I still hate to go up when I'm in the same boat, mainly because I feel like I'm really cheating myself when I try to slap someting together last minute. Besides my performance is always a thousand times better when I go up prepared.
              I think this next year is going to be something really special. I had known that a year ago when I transitioned my life and my income from being a manager to being an artist that it would be rough. This year I found out exactly how rough that would be, I had almost lost my instruments in pawn this year, and many times I was afraid Jennie would look at me and say,"Fuck this loser I'm out of here!"
              Well I was wrong on many fronts, Jennie has been there for me in so many ways and she seems to see all of whats not perfect about who I am and loves me anyways, take that ego! Yeah, this is going to be a great year!
              Till next time Party People,
              Keep on a Chooglin!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Longmont Files Day 5: Getting a bead on CO living.

Morning Party People!
    Wow, what a day yesterday! I think I’m getting the hang of this happy thing. Perhaps I’m getting more and more comfortable with Jennie’s family. To be honest there’s a big part of me that would love to call them my in laws someday. That’s in the future though, this is now.
    Jennie’s Dad came to join us yesterday, Jerry is his name. We’ve talked a little bit here and there but I don’t think I’ve really gotten a chance to spend some actual time with him until now. He’s a wonderful guy, a minister for a biker church,volunteer for a homeless shelter, and all around great guy.
    We went to downtown Longmont to do some shopping, we started at a vitamin store which was more like a Sprouts or a Whole foods as most of the store was raw food items as well a supplements. The people thats worked there were all super friendly. It was filled with two types of employees, either it was a young person with a collections of tattoos and gauges or it was a 60 year old hippie with what looked like a protein deficiency. No matter which everyone was real happy and nice, that was until I asked if they carried corn syrup for a pecan pie Jennie was going to make. I’d rank that up with when I asked an Amish pie vendor if they took debit cards. It’s when you don’t intend to be a dick but end up being one anyways that makes it all so funny.
    Next we walked down the main street of Downtown Longmont which is a collection of varied privately owned businesses. I was in heaven! It’s great to see so many people take their ideas and form them into a tangible business, I live in AZ where they talk about that concept a lot but I rarely see it with in the city limits. It’s in the cities or Arizona that the corporations rule the dreams of the american entrepreneur, yet somehow here in Colorado the individual still holds some sway. For instance we went to a bead lounge...a bead- Ok this is how much I love my gal Jennie. I went to church,a Richard Marx concert and a fucking bead store for her, but I digress.
    The rest of the day had a taste of discovery that has yet to leave either of us. Today we’re going to look at apartments as part of our continuing research of transplanting to CO. I’m pretty excited about it, the thought of starting a new life has been with me ever since my marriage ended. Seriously I’ve wanted to move to another state and start over for years now. The main reason I haven’t yet was that I didn’t want to move to get away from my problems, well that was then, this is now. I’m the person I  want to be as opposed to the guy I ended up being and I can feel the urge to move deep in my veins.
    So I hope to find something exciting today, I hope you find something exciting in your day too, so till next time Party People,
    Keep on a Chooglin!