Day: Who the hell knows (15 I think)

Morning Party People,
            I'm starting to lose some of the motivation for doing this, I'll still keep at it but I wouldn't want to lie and say that some mornings this doesn't feel like a chore.
            I like to start these blogs on a high note as you can tell. Ok so whats on the menu for today? I'm not in a cab as the system was down and I didn't want to deal with a bunch of angry people who are all late for their appointments. That and the battle to get downtime didn't seem all that appealing. I'm hoping to make better use of my time today, so let's start by making a list shall we?
            - Car: I need to figure out what the hell is wrong with my ac/heater. I can live without ac in AZ but moving to CO in the winter without a heater sounds like suicide.
            - Scooter : Jennie bought a scooter that worked for a week and has been collecting dust ever since. I'm no mechanic but maybe there's something I can do with my hands and the power of the Internet, not sure how looking at porn will help but it's worth a shot.
            - Podcast sponsorship: I'm not sure if my podcast is worth being sponsored just yet but it's worth looking into.
            - Pod merch: I'm thinking of a t-shirt to go with the pod but I know nothing of graphic design and have a bunch or research to do, that or a lot of phone calls to make to people who do.
            - Comedy: I need to rewrite my new bit and see....well shit I just need to rewrite it. When it kills then I can let it rest.
            - New Pod: I might be starting a new pod in the next week or so. I could follow up on all of that.
            I have my work ahead of me, just have to remind myself how bad I want it all.
Till Next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Day 14 Working it like it aint no thang!

Morning Party People,
            Ok Itunes, I'm giving your radio app a shot. Let's see how it's taste is concerning my taste in music.
            I had a strange day with my sweetie, it was one of those days where we both had different ideas of how we should spend the day so I don't think either of us got to spend the day exactly how we wanted. The good part was that we spent the day together, that's all I really wanted, I should be grateful for how the day worked out seeing as there's been days that were far shittier and I was apart from her the whole time.
            All I want to do some days is be around her. I wonder if that's love or dependence? This relationship is so much different than any other I've had. I think I had a few good ones, don't get me wrong, but by and large I was never in a good place to actually be in a relationship. These days I finally feel free to be who I am without apology,that kind of freedom really let me be open to someone like Jennie. I don't want to go into it any more, I'm afraid I might jinx us. Watch I'll go on and on about how much she loves me and the first words out of her mouth to me will be ,"We need to talk."
            I have two episodes to record today, I hope they both show, even if they don't I still have an episode for tomorrow, how's that for being responsible? If I record today that will be six months of shows that I've produced! I feel more like me, the real me when I'm creating. I say that as opposed as someone who is just occupying this place in space and time. How's that for progress?

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!
          

Day 13: Who the hell knows

Morning Party People!

            So I have a new keyboard so my fingers are still getting used to the size and dimensions. It would come to me a lot easier if I knew how to type though.akjfqw;ouefhowr 

            I'm taking a few days off from the cab biz, so far I'm having cabbie withdrawals. I've gotten so used to always having driving on my mind. At the moment I don't feel relaxed, I just feel shitty for not making any money right this second. Holy shit I think I have a problem.

            You ever think of an embarrassing moment you once had and you find yourself cringing? I find myself doing that a lot lately. I have no idea why. I wonder if that's an internal critic of mine that's trying to keep me distracted from something? I sounds about right. Apparently there's a limit of how good I let myself feel, only so happy I can let myself get. I think I have a sneaky fear of disappointment in my life. I seem to remember disappointment being a big thing to me when I was a kid , then at some point it didn't bother me anymore. I think some where along the line I taught myself not to expect anything to good to happen, that way I never have to deal with any disappointment.

              So what is disappointment? The feeling of realization of some sort of failure? Whether it's from my doing or someone else's? What should I have learned back then? Perhaps to be understanding of some one elses efforts or maybe I should have learned to look harder at my own efforts to see where I had failed? I think that's a big thing. I seem to be naturally good at a lot of "smart" things as a kid. So maybe I always expected to be great at everything and didn't learn how to pick myself up after coming up short. Obviously I've had to do this many times but I think I still have that defense mechanism built into my skull. So it's time for a change!

              I'm getting into a better practice of writing my material (thanks to these blogs). 

Day 12: ok I lost count =P

Morning Party People!
            To start things off this morning let me disclose that I've been driving all night and the delirium is starting to take hold. I'm listening to John Denver on my headphones and I'm sure I'm going to get all weepy, that or hungry for an omelet.
             Open mic is getting better, had a lot of fun and the bit worked out about as well as I thought it would. Obviously it needs many rewrites but I'm happy to see some progress. This blog is starting to produce some results!
             Now the task is to keep this momentum going. I know I have a habit of coasting as soon as I think I'm doing something right. It's definitely true in the cab biz. One step at a time right?
             I'm feeling better, well maybe not better, I feel like I have a lot more clarity about whats going on in the life.
             One off the open mic gals at the club was selling photos of each comedian's set, of which I bought one. I think I'm starting to realize how tubby I really am. That's a good thing however. It's something that I need to see but haven't seen in quite sometime.
             I went for a walk yesterday, felt good to out in the world instead of living life through a cab windshield.
            I know I should write more but I'm starting to nod off, must be the Denver.

Till next time party people,
Keep on a Chooglin
           

Day 10 a special holliday!

Morning Party People!
                I'ts 10 am so I'm writing a little late. I got up and started driving this morning to tranasport people to and from where ever they need to go I noticed that it must be a very special day this morning.
                I guess it's ,"Drive like an A-Hole Day"
                Ok enough about mundane bitching about my lame income. I had a weird night last night. I hit the open mic and did the new bit, it went ok but thats not what stuck with me. The host made a joke when I went up on stage and said that I look like Meatloaf (the singer). I thought it was funny and laughed because I know her well enough to know that she was doing what comedians do, she saw someting and made it funny. I reacted by pretending to sing like meatloaf from Rocky Horrow and then we all moved past it. What I didn't know is that she took a pic and posted it on FB with the caption, Meatloaf came in to do a set tonight. Again, I thought it was funny.
                Now I'll say this here because because writing and being honest with myself is what this blog is about but I wouldn't never say this on a FB thread because it would kill the joke. I haven't felt bad about my weight for awhile but seing people that I didn't know making fun of me kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I've been thinking a lot about it. Maybe I'm not as comfortable in my own skin as I thought I was?
                In an unrelated post another tubby comedian posted how he just ran five miles, good for him. This also upset me, but for obvios selfish reasons. I need to spend some time thinking on this....

Till Next Time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

Day 10 I think my cat is trying to talk to me

Morning Party People!
           Thus morning I woke up extra early and made a pot of coffee, as the coffee brews I slip into the shower, kind of a ritual to wash away the previous day, that and to not smell like a hobo. As I sit down at my desk my cat Baboo wants to jump up to my lap so I can hold her. I need to write and I know if I don't pick her up she'll then resort to jumping up on the desk and will try to walk on the keyboard. Seriously, yesterday she sent an IM to one of Jennies friends on her computer without Jennie knowing about it. Granted all she sent was "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB" but you get the idea.
           At one point when I was playing Batman Arkham City I noticed she was watching the tv intently as a fight scene with Catwoman was taking place. I'm not sure but she might be the next step in kitty evolution, or she would have been, thankfully we had her fixed as to ensure the survival of the human race.
           I'm having trouble pushing myself to work the long hours required the a taxi driver should work. I don't know if it's just that I'm so tired of it, or that I refuse to rise above a certain income level. I tend to only make what I need to make, which is fine but I bitch about money so much thatI'm obviously not ok with it. Must push harder I guess, keep on a Chooglin as I would say if I ever said that.
           That phrase is from a CCR song if anyone was curious.
          "Keep on doing what you love, money will find a way to you" I read that in a book for recovering artists. I still believe it, I have a feeling something has got to change, I'm just not sure how.
           I wrote a new bit yesterday, I'm going to try it out at an ope mic tonight. Dos Gringos on Priest is a nice room, not a lot of people so there's not as much pressure, that and it's $2 taco tuesday, so that makes it all the better!
           The was a dinner theater troupe that was holding auditions, I submitted and headshot and resume and they responded with an invitation to come to the auditions. The bummer was that I tried over a few emails for them to give me some details about where and when but they never got back to me. I was supposed to do a reading at 11am on a Sunday but he never said where. When I woke up at 9 that morning and didn't see an email I sent him another email asking me to take me of the list (politely). He responded with another option , that I do a reading later in the week. I sent him my schedule when I could read and he sent back a time that I wasn't available for. After that I told him that I had just received another offer and wouldn't be able to be in his show. I hate lying but it was better than being bitchy and saying the real reason why I wouldn't come read, just too many red flags.
            I know I sound like a Prima Donna but when someone I'm trying to work for won't respond to an email in a reasonable amount of time, or doesn't read the email I sent I tend to be very wary of the job....that and the website looked like ass.
            Till Next time Party People!
Keep on a Chooglin!

Day 9 ...I think

Afternoon Party People!
            So first ff, no I don't do my writing this morning. It's not a hell worthy trespass but I have to make sure I don;t do the same thing tomorrow morning. I don't want to get into the habit of givng myself too much slack.
             Last night I I put the finishing touches on the most current podcast. It's getting easier each week to get these puppies out ter into the net. That part I'm glad for, now listening to them thee next morinng is another thing entirely. I don't have the usual hang ups, like hating the way I sound, seriously though, I'm an actor, why wouldn't I love the sound of my own voice?
            Now my main focus is to provide entertaining content, I'm trying to record conversations that we normally wouldn't have. I think doing that we gain access to new parts of this life we've yet to explore.
            I think in my last blog I was on the topic of food stamps and weed. I was going to continue the topic here but that's turning into a bit so Im going to work it out on stage.
            I have no idea how the hell I'm going to move to Denver, all I know is that I am. I can tell but the nervous feeling in my gut that gets stronger and stronger the closer December gets. If anything the next year should be very interesting!
            I need to work on some material, so till next time party People!

Keep on a Chooglin!