It's 1 AM and I can't sleep, it was times like these years ago that I would pack up my laptop and go to a Denny's off HWY 60 and Rural in Tempe. I would pop in my headphones and try to get a different view on my thoughts.
I don't have a Moon Over My Hammy on deck but 2 out of 3 ain't bad as they say. So like a lot of people, I find myself too much into my own thoughts and feelings. I don't like this feeling, I don't trust it. As much as my heart is a part of me, it's gotten me into some really bad spots in my life. Isn't our emotions the source of everything good in this world? Parhaps, or it's just the inspiration, the starting point for all we accomplish. I'm starting to think it's the actions we take that make this world go round.
Am I being to litteral? Are we not being literal enough? I think this lockdown had put up a mirror up to our faces and not everyone likes what they see.
I find myself getting angrier and angrier as they days go on, not so much with myself, mostly at everyone on my timeline. Everyone has a point, everyone has an opinion and it seems like everyone feels like they're right. It's as if because the spectacle of a public beating, a breaking of will is no longer a possibilty therefore we laugh at it. There are consequences though, bullying, doxing , smearing someone's reputation or their ability to create income. soon we can go after their dreams, their loved ones, we can get them to hurt themselves so we don't have to. All of these things have been done in isolated cases, more will come. I think of it like the Old West, the less law there is, mixed with a well armed public, tended to lead to a lot of murder.
Here's a random thought, how important is it that I'm right? How important is it that you are? Are we willing to sacrifice our morals and values to be right? I bet most of us would never think we would do such a thing, to give up on our morals and values. Oh but those two are so fluid! The can bend and break so eaily given the right motivation, coersion, or situation. You want to hear a confession about my morals and values? You want to know when I let them go and I became a hypocrite?
The truth is, I never choose to betray my morals and values, those were broken when I wasn't paying attention. Like most people, they were betrayed while I was focusing on being right, being free, being safe.
I know I'm projecting my journey on the general public, that doesn't mean I'm too far off. I hate to see anyone make the same mistakes that I have.
I think I'm having a harder time wanting to empathize with other people, or the world as it were. I see the world as a chaotic relationship with a person who doesn't love themselves enough to stop going on benders and making a mess of their lives. Do I try to show the world that someone loves them? It could work... it might work...oh wait, that usually doesn't work. The fact of the matter is that you can't love anyone more than they love themselves. It's like pouring a gallon jug into an 8 oz glass. They'll get the 8 oz of love, but anything else is a waste and should be used elsewhere.
As far as this lockdown goes, I have no answers. I don't think were out of it yet, but then again, I don't know if it's as bad as they say it is. I do know that we still haven't gone back to the way it was before 9/11 as far as travel or our rights go. That's the only reason I'm very cautious about this pandemic and the opportinity it can be for those with the "Best Intentions".
Tell next time Party People, keep on a chooglin'
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