The One Thing I don't Want to Do

Morning Party People!
             It's Monday , it's 9:30, I have my coffee, it's time to write!
             First off I'd like to say sorry for not writing to you all more often. Discipline is something that I need to work on, if only I were more disciplined to do it. All lame jokes aside this month has been pretty scary.
             At the beginning of the year I made a goal to move from an open mic comic to a showcase comic. Since January I've gotten myself booked on a few shows, done a few competitions and now I'm even producing a show of my own. So if anything I took a few baby steps this year, a few more than I thought I would have anyways.
            So what about any of this is scary? It's not like I'm afraid of success the same way I'm afraid of getting hit by a car every day right? It's not the success I fear, it's who I'll be when I get there.
            I'm a very egotistical person. It's not something I'm proud of and I hate admitting it but I am. I'm also very competitive, that's something I try very hard NOT to be, because it brings out the worst in me. So is this a necessary evil , an obstacle I can't ignore anymore, or both?
            Like with most things that run through my skull , it's never just one thing. For example I remember growing up in Lucerne , I found out that the smart kids didn't have a lot of friends. I found this out around the time I was in Junior High. So in order to make friends I dumbed down . I wanted to fit in, I didn't want to be alone, a normal reaction in order to adapt to an environment. It worked, I had friends in Junior high and when I went to High School in another town I was lucky to make friends where I didn't have to pretend I wasn't smart. The sad thing is, if you tell a human being something for long enough,eventually they believe it. Since those days I've been trying to figure out the line is, the one where I've been pretending to be something else or the one where the real me actually is.
            I love the Denver Comedy Scene, there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be to work on my stand-up. I love the Denver Comics, I've made some really good friends and have met so many awesome people. Truth be told I want to outshine every single last one of them. Every show that's in town I want to outdraw them. I want success and I don't want anyone to get in my way. This is the part of me I don't like. I'm afraid I'm going to say or do something that will hurt my friends. I know I'm capable of this because I've done it once before.
            My senior year in High school I brushed off my closest friends to I could focus on my AMDA audition. I really hurt my best friends at the time. To this day I'm sorry I hurt them but I'm not sorry for what  did. AMDA was life or death for me and I know I made the right decision but holy smokes do I wish I found another way to do it.
            So maybe that's my answer? I'll be careful and calm moving forward but with the knowledge that I'll make mistakes. I've done it before and have grown as a person every time since then. Hell, what was the point of being a boss for so many years if I'm not going to use the lessons I learned?
            Ok enough random thoughts, I have a bunch of baby steps to make today, jokes to write, flyers to post, I'm also pretty sure I need to take the trash out as well. Far all the troubles that may come my way I know that I'm a better person now that when I started this blog, I thank you all for being there along the way.

Till Next Time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
            

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New Year New Goals

What's Shakin Party People!
            It's a brand new year in case you haven't been on the internet.  Some of you might say,"So what? Who cares?"
            I get it, for years that's how I felt about New Year's Eve. I didn't change for me until I got older. At my age now I feel like I don't have as many New Year's ahead of me than I do behind me. That's not to be melancholy, that's just being honest about how I feel. So being melancholy is only a small part of it.
            Last year I decided to break my 1995 resolution to not make any more resolutions. It was a tough choice for me at the time because I had a hell of a streak going. On the other hand I had never made a resolution to improve myself and when 2015 was looming around the corner I figured out not doing anything wasn't the best way to grow into who I wanted to be. I did great things be breaking that resolution. I got better in my stand-up and in doing so I got better at living my life. My relationship with Jennie has grown in ways that I never thought possible and as a result I'm finding a happiness that I never knew existed. The awesome part of it all is I know that this is only the beginning.
          So what's next for 2016?
          I'm going to put myself in uncomfortable situations this year. Way more than I did in 2015. As much as I hate feeling uncertain about any situation the only time I've grown as a person was by doing so. Ego has a way into telling me to play it safe, to go with what has worked in the past. I know it means well but last year I learned to move past that. So this year I will put myself in more situations that could end in rejection, I will hear "NO" more times this year than last. I will get on my showcases this year, I will be rejected by more showcases as well as crowds this year. I know it will hurt, but I know I will be better for it when all is said and done.
           When it comes to comedy I tend to play it safe way too much. There were bars and shows that I avoided last year, well I'm not going to do that this year. I got a taste of improvement last year and now I'm addicted son!
           I have a workout to do so I'm going to wrap this up, in closing (sets mic stand back center stage) thanks for everything everybody, and yes you in particular. I started this blog and my podcast in the hopes I might accidentally become a better person because of it and I can now see from where I started that it's finally happening, thanks for being a part of it!
           Till next time Party People,keep on a chooglin!