Saturday, January 28, 2012

Damn the Doctor!

      Morning Party People, before I start I need to tell you that I need to be up for work  in two and a half hours. Not off to a good start I know but I felt the need to do some writing.

      Tonight my sweetie was supposed to come over but she wasn't feeling well. It was a bummer but it's not like we don't see each other almost everyday. I took a nap around 4 and woke up around 10 tonight. When I woke up I was pissed that I slept so long, I hate losing precious time that I could have been doing something. I hate it even more when I waste that time. So why am I so pissed about time lately?

      Earlier this week I had three days to do anything I wanted, 36 hours of free time! I think I spent about 3 hours actually working on my business ad another hour organizing paperwork for my taxes. That left me with 31 hours that I didn't work on my next baby step. This isn't my normal behavior as of late, this is more like my behavior from a few years ago. Perhaps that's why I've felt so uneasy lately. It's probably why I'm writing this instead of going off to sleep, I have to do something creative or my mood will continue to worsen.

Ok that's enough introspection, lets take a look at the world around us shall we?

Football is America's Alcohol:
      I know it might sound a little harsh but lets be honest. If there was anything that ever wanted me to not watch another game it was this whole Penn State affair. Now before I go on I'll give full disclosure as I'm am not knowledgeable of Papa Joe's career other than he won a lot of football games. I know I've read many reports with various points of view on the matter. Some are chastising him for not doing more, some are asking for forgiveness that one "lack of judgment" shouldn't define a whole career. To that I say Michael Jackson has made countless songs that will never be forgotten but after every song is finished playing we'll always think of MJ as the guy who might have fucked a bunch of sick kids. John Lennon is one of my favorite artists of all time but as much as I love his music I know he was also as horrible a man as great as he was an artist. So what's the difference?
       I guess it comes down to where a person draws the line. I can live with a person being an asshole, I can't however live with a person being a coward. Am I being to harsh? Am I being to callous? I asked myself this question for the past week before I wrote this and I kept coming back to the same question,  "Why wasn't more done?"
       I don't mean to ask the question in a "Why did this have to happen?" sort of way. I know why this shit happens, some sociopath with no compassion hurts an innocent person and then a cycle of abuse ensues that passes down generations. It's almost as if a new form of predators were evolving in the way that virus spreads through a town, it's not meant to kill our bodies, just our humanity. No I was asking the question of what had stopped the coach from doing more, or for that matter what stopped the guy who witnessed the attack?
       Perhaps it was shock, I can buy that at first but what about how they felt the next day? Or the day after that? I'm sorry but the biggest atrocities that happen in this world don't come from some evil monster or a demon that lies in wait from the shadows, it comes from our own cowardice to confront the harsh realities in our lives. I find that it's amazing how destructive we can be by simply not doing anything to right a wrong. Who knew being so passive could be so harmful? I think there were many people that had worked very hard to make Penn State what it was and anything that undermined that was better left ignored. I honestly believed that many of the people who knew about this didn't want to think it was all true. To know it was true would undo all the great accomplishments that Penn State had achieved. Will sadly guys, it was true, and it had undone all that you have created. As far as I'm concerned at the root of all of this deception was the desire to win Well you did win, and all you had to do was sacrifice the hearts of some kids that no one will probably ever get to know.
       Is the a way out of this? More than likely but they aren't going to like it. A sacrifice of pride is required, not to appease an angry mob but as to set an example. A demonstration of true strength needs to be shown in the fact that they can wear their shame for all to see, a display of compassion over their pride.

      There was a church in the valley who has a similar problem in the way that one of their volunteers had been molesting a lot of the kids who went there. I know churches are the but of a lot of jokes about this sort of thing but I was surprised by their actions that followed. The asshole who was hurting these kids had been arrested and the church held a bunch of services for their community asking for others to come forward for counseling and to apologise to their congregation for not catching this sooner! That is a fine example of how to confront something like this, they met it head on. Big props to them.

       Shame might survive in the light but it thrives in darkness, never forget that. I wish I had come forward about the older kid who molested me when I was a kid, perhaps I could have saved myself and those around me some grief. It's not easy to write what I just did but that's the point of it all. The more open we are with ourselves the sooner we can get a hold of what it is that's truly affecting our world. In my case I've had a near impossible time letting myself get close with anyone who wanted to love me, I always had that "dark" secret in my past that I knew if they ever found out that they wouldn't love me anymore. That started when I was about 9, from there it festered for years until I grew into someone I didn't recognize. Well that was then, this is now.

      I know I'm jumping all over the place so I'll try to sum it up here. Predators track us through our sent of shame. You know what I heard the most  when I started to be open about my past? I started to hear similar stories from those around me. The only thing that amazed me more was the weight off everyone's shoulders after they opened up. Meaning we're as never alone as we think we are, what a odd way to connect with people huh?

so shine a light on what ails you my friends! It's a tough I know but it's those countless baby steps that will move us all forward to a better life. That's what I think anyways, feel free to find a better way =)

Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!

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