"I don’t leave because I’m afraid to be alone...."
I started listening to Keaton Simons today. To be honest I like his acoustic performances much more than his studio work. It was in an interview where he was asked what he strives for when writing a song. In the case of “Without your skin” he was trying to be as honest as possible.
"I don’t leave because I’m afraid to be alone, but it doesn’t even matter now your gone..."http://youtu.be/P6mp2geIEPI
Man that really hit me at my core for so many reasons. On an emotional level I’ve felt I’ve been in those shoes all too often. I think this year was the first relationship where I didn’t fall into that rut. The song also hit me in a sense that as open as I’ve felt I’ve been with my music that there seems to be far more I can delve into.
I bring this up to elaborate something I mentioned in an earlier blog. I was playing around on the guitar the other day and I started thinking about some of the women in my life where I don’t have so pleasant memories of. I think I try to repress so much anger towards the people in my life that it tends to implode on my sense of being. I used to have a pretty bad temper in my youth, it kind of runs in my family now that I think about it. Not exploding towards everyone who pissed me off was a good thing, at the same time I didn’t defend myself in many cases because I was afraid of hurting anyone.Through my music however I found a raw layer of hurt that has never had a chance to heal.
It pissed me off to no end this week, I watch all these happy families walk into the restaurant, sit and smile and bask in the joy that is love in the holidays. Me? I stand behind a bar munching on some shitty snack mix stuck in life as a spectator! I had a family once, I was a Dad, with all of that gone I have this open wound that aches every November 24 and December 25. That’s not even the part thats been pissing me off lately, hell it’s been years since all that ended (I’ve had time to move on) it was the one gal that I called my girlfriend or the echo of her that's been getting to me.
So I’ve started writing my “Fuck You” song, I’m excited about it. Not because I want to hurt her or anyone else for that matter. I’m excited about confronting all of this and seeing what will come out of it. If anything it will give me a chance to spend more time on my electric!
Till next time Party People, keep on a Chooglin!